My Favourite Part

04: little angie

When the question arose – and it had to at one point or another – the question of who we could tell, and how, Eric said that he trusted me, and that I could tell the people that I trusted. That's my girls. I trust my girls.

"Jesus, Ange..." 

We're sat in a triangle on Babe's living room floor, and the atmosphere's crazy still.

"I know, I know." Apart from Babe's mumble, so far neither of them have really reacted, but I feel better having gotten it out, I feel freer. "I'm not regretting it, not at all, I just... I didn't want to keep this from you guys."

"But he's, like... old." Cara said, narrowing her eyes as she said the final word. I scoffed, 

"Okay, first of all, he's 24 - not old. And second, it's like, the same age gap as your parents!" 

She tilts her head in thought for a second, 

"True but like, 40 and 46 just ... seems better than 18 and 24." She tilts her head again and repeats, 

"18 and 24. Okay. Okay, actually that's not that bad." Suddenly, she's made up her mind and her the seriousness is drained from her expression as she hits my knee - hard.

"Ow, Caz! What the fuck?"

"If I knew Mag-lin was fair game I'd be in there, you lucky bitch!" She whined, with a little frown.  I smiled shyly at the thought of having won the 'game' before anyone else knew it was on. She looks at me for a moment, like she's studying me, before she bites her lip and asks,

"What about when Lea's home? Does he, like, hide you?" I look at my nails and bite one slightly before answering. If my girls don't mind me being with Eric, but judge me for potentially breaking up him and Lea, I won't be able to live with myself.

"They... broke up. A while ago. She thought he was sleeping with me."

"Were you?" Comes Babe's voice suddenly.

"No! I mean, not then?" I say, and I pout slightly, hoping she understands. "We were just close then, but I was always there for Lit. tutoring, and we'd always listen to music in between, and go on his rooftop to read and laugh and... I get why she suspected it. Ugh, shit." I've never admitted this aloud before and it's making me feel like shit.

"Aw, hon," Cara says sympathetically, placing a hand on my knee, "why didn't you tell us when you started having feelings for him?"

"Because fucking everyone does! Our whole year, all the PE teachers, my mum for fuck's sake!" I let out a soft, sharp laugh. "I thought I was... being a typical teenager,  crushing on the older guy I could never get. And when he started reciprocating I didn't tell you guys because-"

"Because you knew he was manipulating you." Babe's been quiet since I told them, but now her accusation is bold and she's looking me right in the eyes.

"What?" 

"Angie. You want us to believe that he made a move on you because he genuinely liked you?" 

I felt my heart threaten to crumble with a familiar sting, but I cleared my throat as best I could before responding,

"Is that so hard to believe?" Barbara rolls her eyes without malice, 

"Don't make it that, Angie. Fuck's sake, you know I'm not saying you're unlikeable, I'm saying why did he have to pick an 18 year old with a crush on him who was at his house every week?"

I'm squinting to hold back tears, but my voice is giving me away,
"That's not why it happened, Barbara, it's just how. He's not some predator."