My Favourite Part

60(b): jasmine and vanilla

Evangeline Channing

I think Scott's the 'older brother' of his group. At least, that's the sense I get from how he takes charge of things, but always with this air of boyish charm about him. His demeanour has been the same every time I've met him, and that surprises me a little. Most guys our age have a couple of different personas – one for when they're around girls, another one for their mates, another for their mother and so on. But not Scott, as far as I can tell. Maybe that's why it's so easy to be comfortable around him. Once his friends left, it only took a few minutes and even fewer awkward glances for us to settle in. Now, I feel comfortable enough to blurt:

"Oh my God, if I have to read another line about microeconomic equilibrium shifts, I am going to lose what's left of my sanity."

I don't think I even meant to say it out loud, but I did, and Scott laughs as he marks his page with a Post-It.

"If it helps, I think it's easier to understand when you finish chapter...4," he says, tapping its place on the contents page.

"I don't know why they put it in the middle of chapter 3, but once you get aggregate demand, it kinda just clicks."

He shrugs innocently with one-shoulder as he offers his help, whilst my jaw's on the floor. It's not that I underestimated how Econ-savvy he might be, but... okay, maybe I underestimated him a little bit.

So far, Scott Kellerman's shaping up to be quite the friend to have – supportive, sensitive, smart. Not obnoxiously popular, but popular enough that every guy who walks past extends a fist-bump before smiling over at me; and every girl that walks past eyes him longingly. I'm just waiting for him to show me his extensive collection of toenail clippings, or tell me he finds fart jokes funny, or something equally teenage boy-ish and off-putting. Until then though, I'm quite enjoying his company.

"Do you ever feel like all this revising is just stockpiling knowledge you'll never use, and just dump the second you're done with applications?" I ask, turning my feet towards him.

"I mean, it's not like I'll use this stuff in real life."

Scott tilts his head, his thick brows wrinkled. "What exactly do you mean? University applications are as real as life gets."

My stomach tightens and I freeze momentarily. He's kidding, right?

My panic is eased when he lets out a deep laugh with a hand across his abdomen. "Your face! I'm only joking, don't worry, I get you."

"Scott!" I whine, making his name a few syllables longer, although I can't help but laugh too.

"I'm serious! It feels like this massive... thing. Like, I have no clue what's actually going on, but I know it's a big deal. Literally, I can't even say the u-word without getting shivers."

"Do you know where you're going next year?" He asks.

It's a normal question for people our age, studying for the exams that will tell us where we're going if we don't already know. Somehow though, it still throws me off, and I find myself having to take a deep breath before I think about it.

I might study in London, and stay with Mum & Auggie. 4 out of my 5 applications were for London universities. I'd study English, or maybe Anthropology, and I'd be okay with that.

I could go to Dublin – study music and philosophy. If I'm honest with myself, that's the possibility that excites me most. But what if that isn't for me? It's inspiring and all, but what if I'm just not ready to uproot my life and go across the country alone? What if I didn't even get in?