My Favourite Part

59: that monday morning feeling

Don't believe everything you see in the movies, kids: turns out breakups aren't always followed by an dramatic, yet endearing, montage of days and days spent sobbing in bed. For better or for worse, the impending doom of final exams means that I can't afford to waste another minute moping about. Or, if I absolutely have to mope, I'll need to do it by a stack of revision flashcards.

I suppose it's for the best. School is a much-needed distraction that gives me a reason to actually get up, shower and get dressed, when all I really want to do is laze about in pyjamas all day. Today's bare face, grey cardigan, jeans and converses are far from runway-worthy, but hey, it's better than an old trackie.

Cara and I FaceTime on my train ride to school, and when I hold my phone above me, angling it downwards to capture the entirety of my drab outfit, she does her best to hype me up and hide her distaste.

"Aw, you look so cute!" She encourages, with a smile so toothy it's unconvincing.

"Thanks, Caz," I snort, positioning the phone back in front of me. She nods vigorously, and that's how I know she feels bad for me – Caz never passes up the opportunity to tell you an outfit's trash.

She's trying to be extra kind today, though, since I told her about what happened with Eric - sort of. I told her that Eric and I talked, and we both agreed that it would be better for both of our futures if we just went our separate ways. I don't have it in me to go over the depressing details again.

"Ange, babe, have you eaten today?" She asks, peering closer at the screen with uncharacteristic motherly concern. "Evangeline Juliana Channing, you better have had breakfast this morning."

"Uh," I hum, tilting my head as I try to remember. Shit, did I?

I recall the morning. I rolled out of bed (late), took a shower/zoned out after overthinking, got dressed and listened to 'Somebody That I Used to Know' on repeat until Mum said I had to hurry up or I'd be late. Nope, no breakfast.

"Ange," she frowns, "tell me you had a good dinner yesterday, at least?"

I shake my head sheepishly.

"Evangeline!"

I nod an apology to the passengers sitting across from me when the sound of Caz's shrill scolding is emitted from my earphones. It's my stop, anyway, so I pick up mobile-Cara and my backpack, and start down the platform towards school.

"Caz, relax, I'll just... grab a something from Maccies for lunch. I'll eat the chips and everything."

She's already shaking her head vehemently before I've finished, clearly unhappy with my proposal.

"Ange, just come to mine! Dad's on a business trip, and Mum's out shopping for some gala – we could order sushi and watch One Tree Hill, and make fun of how Macklin's trouser legs are always two inches too short!"

I laugh, and momentarily envy her blissful nonchalance. The length of his slacks has always been a little questionable.

"Caz, I'm on my way in to study," I say, tugging at the lanyard around my neck, holding the ID card up to the phone screen. "You know, study? As in: revise for the life-determining exams we're sitting in a few months' time?"

As expected, Caz waves a dismissive hand. "That's a then problem.  I live in the now, Ange. And right now, my best friend needs Nobu and back-to-back episodes of shitty TV – ideally American."

Her dramatics make me smile, but I know it isn't that simple. I haven't figured out what exactly I need to do to fill the void, or to make me feel even a little better, but this isn't a rainy day or a bad grade. All the Nobu and 90210 in the world won't be the answer.