NEUROFREEDOM

C1: DOPAMINE

Dopamine is a hormone and a neurotransmitter that plays several important roles in the brain and body. It is an organic chemical of the catecholamine and phenethylamine families. Dopamine constitutes about 80% of the catecholamine content in the brain.

The whole library was lighted with a candle na halos kumukurap-kurap na. This dusty place has always been my refuge. My mom often told me that I need to read more books, at least more than two books each day. As I grow older, the number of things that I need to know increased.

"So, what does a dopamine produce?" Her glasses are elegant and even the way she held the thick book in her lap screams sophistication. This is my fourth session, and I have to master the chemicals of the brain.

As much as possible, mom made sure to follow OSI or the Organ Integrated System wherein I need to study a particular organ for a given period of time instead of mixing the whole information about the human body.

"Adrenaline?"

I wasn't sure, I need to choose but the only way for me to avoid an error is to put a question mark in my every answer.

Her eyes were dark but soft, I know she didn't like it and at this moment, I have a feeling na hindi na niya ito itotolerate.

She placed the book at her side and folder her arms, hindi man lang nagusot ang dress nito.

"Look Cia, you're 11 and you will soon reach the adolescent stage. Teach yourself to be sure in everything you'll say. Your words are your power. If you're not sure with what you're saying, you're showing them your weaknesses. Remember that whatever you'll say is your power, don't let them use it against you."

"Yes mother," I nodded and inhaled deeply.

"Again, what does a dopamine produce?"

"A Dopamine produces adrenaline."

"And what is adrenaline when it Is found in the brain?"

"Adrenaline is norpinephrine when it is found in the brain. When you turn dopamine on, you experience feelings of pleasure."

It felt good, being able to answer everything my mom asked me about. Maybe because I got it from the tons of books I read, or maybe, I turned my dopamine on. One thing for sure, my mom isn't contented yet.

After the session, she left and didn't even said a word about my scholastic performances. She just asked me if I finished reading the boowk she was holding the whole session and gave me three more to read the whole day.

I love her and she always taught me things that I need to know about the world beyond the knowledge of a normal child. Her beliefs are my beliefs, despite the fact that it's something that can't fill the void.

Nang marinig ko ang marahang pagsara ng pinto ay agad kong tinungo ang dulong parte ng library. Now I'm free, sa pinakamaalikabok na bahagi ng kwarto kung saan nakahilera ang naglalakihang bookshelf naroroon ang pinakatatago kong bisyo.

Luckily, these vices aren't drugs or something that will send me to jail. I just need to hide it from my mom's sight.

Kahit maalikabok ay dumapa ako at hinila ng chess box sa ilalim bookshelf. Pinagpagan komuna ito bago inilapag sa table at pinindot ang lock sa doorknob.

Instead of chess pieces ay agad kong kinuha ang dalawang brush, isang palette at watercolors. I got them from yaya Mina, ang kumadrona at siyang nag-alaga sa akin mula pagkabata. I painted and painted. The colors are vibrant despite from the darkness of the library. I don't know why my mom liked candles a lot na hindi na niya nilagyan ng ilaw ang library namin.

But, I'm glad the image ae still perfect on the canvass. This is my dream and passion, painting. I tried mixing black and red, but they didn't match. I tried yellow and red, guess what? I created a sunset scene.

I told my mom ones that I love painting and arts, but she didn't approve. She like it but she told me wala itong magagawa para sa future ko.

Maybe I was the red color and my life is black. The two didn't match together and my reality dominates every inch of me. But at least, the red one tried to mix with black even if it's impossible. At least I succeeded in leaving my passion behind and living the reality the destiny has served me.