angst
tw - heavy mentions suicide
and suicide attempts.
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
god did sapnap hate crying. day in and day out it was cry, cry, cry, feel numb then cry again. he felt so selfish. so dumb. why could he feel like this when dream tries to hard? why couldn't dream hate him? it would be so much easier if he had no one it wouldn't be as selfish. how could dream still love him?
sapnap heard his phone chime.
and again.
again.
he looked over.
dreamie 💚
i'm 5 minutes away
stay safe okay?
please?
"i'm sorry" he didn't realize he was thinking out loud. he hugged his pillow that was drowned in his tears, he first missed dream then it escalated from there. to the point sapnap sobbed at the thought of dream even finding him like the way he is right now.
what would he think? has he had enough of him? sapnap went deeper into his thoughts he couldn't notice how hard he was crying, or how tightly his grip on his pillow was.
he didn't notice over his mind brainwashing itself. almost not being able to control where his feet were bringing him. he was torn. he doesn't want to leave dream. he just wanted to feel something. even if it was pain. he never wanted to feel like this again.
his hands seemed to wonder around for something. he knew, he just wanted to play dumb. he was lost in thought. it was so overwhelming. his hands seemed to stop when he reached his anti-depressants.
what about dream? he can't do this, right?
"fuck it." his hands opened the bottle, his mind went fuzzy, he couldn't hear the door open. he couldn't hear the bag slam on the floor and somewhat rushed feet of his best friend. god did he wish they could've dated before he left.
he went to take it all when it was slapped out of his hand. he was shocked and looks by the door frame seeing dream with a worried face. he felt so guilty for being the reason his friend felt like that.
"what were you doing?! are you stupid sapnap?!"
sapnap didn't know what to say. he stood there. shocked. his legs became to grow weak and he started to cry again. he couldn't tell the boy he's the only reason he's alive. he can't put that much pressure on dream
"i could tell something was up! i cant believe you!" dream came off more angry than worried it made sapnap scared. he fell to the ground and hugged his knees. dreams expression softened. he sat down in front of his and put his hand on sapnaps shoulder.
"i'm sorry," he muttered out, "i'm so selfish."
"sap.. your not selfish.. i'm just worried about you. no one said this was easy. i'm trying to help"
"you have helped"
"really?"
"your my reason."
dream stiffened. his reason? for what? to live? why him?
"why me?" he asked, softly not to startle his friend again.
sapnaps heart raced. could he tell him like this? won't he think it's just platonic? maybe it was meant to be.
"because i love you."
"like-"
"romantically, dream"
dream smiled.
wait he what? sapnap looked up, noticing that stupid cocky smile like he just won manhunt. he hated how that gave him butterflies, like he was 6 and crushing on someone.
"sapnap?"
"yeah?"
sparks. all sparks. nothing but sparks. dreams lips were on his own. sapnap was shocked but smiled. he felt dreams hands on his waist and blushed. hard.
"are you okay sapnap"
"now i am"
dreamed helped him up and wiped away the tears. he hated seeing sapnap like that. hated it. he promised himself in that moment to protect sapnap no matter what. and sapnap promised himself to stay alive for dream.
