Kuroo Tetsurou's Instagram

• (sorta starter?) Feelings (ft. Akaashi)

//highkey obsessed with KurooAka rn fight me-

—

Everyone thinks I'm the calm, cool, collected captain. That I'm self assured, smart, and am always happy. I'm always smiling, laughing, or joking.

What people don't understand is that I'm human. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I breakdown under stress sometimes.

I cried the hardest one night after talking with Bokuto. You know, the physical embodiment of sunshine and cheerfulness.

"But you're never depressed, or sad. That must be nice." I had said.

He suddenly got serious, and crossed his arms. ".. I get sad too, you know. I'm a cheery guy, but I'm only human. People forget that sometimes."

There was an unspoken 'you forgot that'.

"But sadness happens." He continued. "You pull yourself together, and you get back up." He suddenly got all smiles again. "It's a lot easier with friends though! Like you, and Akaashi."

"I guess that makes sense.. thanks, Bo."

"No problem! Wanna go out? I'll buy!"

—

It was late one evening, and Kuroo sat on a swing at the park near his home. It was a clear night, and the stars were shining brightly. It was beautiful, but it didn't do much to distract him from his thoughts.

'Why did they choose you to be captain?'

'Do they actually even like you?'

'Are you guilting Kenma into staying?'

'Can you even-'

"Thought it was you." Kuroo suddenly heard. He whipped his head to the side to see the one and only Akaashi Keiji- which was a bit odd, both for this time of night and the fact that Akaashi didn't exactly live close.

He blinked.

Akaashi continued, "Can't really see the red, but I could read the Nekoma on the back. And accompanied by your unique hairstyle.."

After a moment, Kuroo finally snorted softly, shaking his head.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Was on my way to the train station to go back home, when I saw you." Akaashi answered. "May I?" He gestured to the swing beside Kuroo. The latter nodded. "Thought it was a little strange to see you out here at this hour."

"Ah, just strategizing, and thinking up some new moves." Kuroo said with a shrug before looking back up to the sky. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth. "It's quiet, and it helps me focus. Plus it's beautiful out."

"It is." Akaashi agreed, and Kuroo could feel the other's gaze on him. "But that's not the whole reason you're out here. Is it."

It wasn't really a question.

"Hm? Of course it is. I've got no other reason to be out here." Kuroo said, tone indifferent.

"... It's okay to be down, you know. It's okay to be sad."

"Hey, I'm not sad-" Kuroo rolled his eyes playfully. "why would you even think that? I'm fine."

"You don't have to be the fearless leader and captain all the time."

Silence.

"... You're allowed to feel things."

"I feel a lot of things." Kuroo said, followed by a chuckle. It was strained. "Trust me, Akaashi."

Akaashi frowned.

"Kuroo, you don't-"

Kuroo turned his gaze to Akaashi, and his eyes shimmered in the moonlight with unshed tears. There was still a smile on his face. "I'm fine, Akaashi. Stop worrying about me. Everything's a-okay with me, I swear."

"... Kuroo, you don't have to lie to me."

Kuroo chuckled, though it was watery and a touch forced. He looked away, and the action let a few tears escape. "I'm not. Really."

"What's wrong?"

Those words. Those two words.

"Nothing." Kuroo managed shakily. His shield was cracking, and he was trying anything to keep it up.

Akaashi gently reached his hand out to rest on Kuroo's bicep. A silent 'I'm here for you.'.

It took a few moments, before Kuroo let a soft but broken sob escape. He immediately brought his hand up to cover his mouth.

"I don't have the right." He said after a moment, his voice shaky. "I-I dont have the-the right to be sad,"

"What do you mean?"

"I have a good life, Akaashi." Tears were streaming now and he sniffled. "I have a f-family that loves me, and a-a nice place to live- I have amazing friends, and-and am doing well In school. I'm the captain of my team- I have everything." His voice cracked and he looked to Akaashi. "I don't have any right to be sad."

Akaashi frowned, genuinely confused.

"... Kuroo, that's not how that works. Just because life is good, doesn't mean you can't be upset once in awhile. Not even Bokuto can be happy 24/7, and he's the most excitable, happy man we know."

Kuroo laughed a bit, wiping his tears on his sleeve as he looked away. That reminded him of a whole other can of worms.

"I know. He told me that." He shook his head. "I was a bad f-friend. I mentioned once that he's never s-sad, and that-" He sniffled, his breathing shaky. "That that must be nice. I didn't even realize that someone like that c-could ever be upset. He told me that he has m-moments too, and that he has feelings and e-emotions like a normal person. Without even meaning to, he made me feel like a shitty friend, and like I don't deserve him."

"Did he say that?"

"No, of course not." Kuroo swallowed. "He wouldn't- he'd never say something like that."

"Then he doesn't think that. You're not a shitty friend. You know if you were he'd call you out."

Kuroo stayed silent, now just looking at the ground and occasionally sniffing.

"... You get mad when you get sad, don't you."

Kuroo's silence was an obvious answer.

"Because you believe that it's somehow selfish to be down in the dumps. There are so many people doing worse than you, and yet-"

"Stop. Please." Kuroo muttered. "C-can you just.. just.."

"Go?" Akaashi suggested, raising a brow.

"...." Kuroo nodded once, then shook his head. He took a shaky breath, bringing his hands up to cover his face. He just needed a minute.

After a couple minutes, Akaashi started to swing slowly- Kuroo only knew this because he heard the faint squeaking of the chains.

This sucked. The one time that Kuroo broke in months just had to be in a Park that Akaashi Keiji, by some freak chance, happened to see him at. At 10:45pm. On a school night.