to hell and back || l.s.

neuf

**Harrys POV**

It had been two days since I last saw Louis. After that weird cuddling incident, we decided that we'd spend a couple of days apart, just to make things less awkward. We also realised that we'd been spending every day together for the past three weeks, a bit time apart couldn't hurt.

I had been lying in my bed all day, staring at the ceiling. I went to Rome yesterday; the colosseum had always been one of my favourite places to go. The day before that, I went to Paris, sat on the Eiffel tower eating a croissant and watching the tourists walk by.

I looked to my right at the clock on my bedside table. 12:38. I groaned and rubbed my eyes as I slowly sat up, stretching my sore wings in the process.

-

Because I had been flying around a lot lately, I decided to keep it simple today and went on a walk in the busy streets of London.

I liked walking through crowds, almost made me forget I was dead. I sometimes missed being alive. Life is so simple when you're human. You have your daily routine of school or work and come home in the evening and spend time with your loved ones.

It's never been like that for me.

I've always wondered what it felt like to be loved.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when I bumped into-

"Louis?", a bright smile overtook my features as I looked at the demon that was sitting on the floor with a pout.

That smile quickly faded though when I saw another demon take his hand and help him stand up.

"Are you alright babe?", the blond demon asked Louis with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine Niall thanks", Louis smiled at the boy whose name was apparently Niall before he turned to me.

"Harry, may I introduce you, this is my best friend Niall", Niall jut out his hand in my direction, and I only looked at it for a second before bringing my gaze back up to Louis.

"Sorry, I need to go", I mumbled and kept walking in the opposite direction, leaving Louis and his 'best friend' frowning.

Best friend? What does that even mean? Do best friends call each other babe? Do they help each other up when they fall? Did they act caring?

I felt a ball of rage inside my stomach as I kept thinking about Louis and his probably boyfriend.

"Louis' stupid anyways, I don't need him. I don't need anyone; I've been coping just fine without anyone by my side for my entire life!", I tell myself in my head as I flew back home. And maybe I had tears in my eyes. But no one would ever know.

-

When I came home I went to my room and laid down on my bed. Initially I wanted to watch some TV but I couldn't concentrate. My thoughts always went back to Louis and how it hurt me so badly when I saw him with Niall.

Because even when I didn't really want to admit it, I got attached to the demon. Maybe more than I ever thought I could.

I really liked him but of course he didn't feel anything for me. Nothing new there. I should have known it better. I mean it is really just the same as the last time I got attached. I got hurt all over again.

As I went down this road of thoughts I went further and further in the past and remembered how I ended up as an angel.

-

It all started when I was about fourteen and decided to come out as pan to my parents. I, of course, was naïve enough to believe that they would love me regardless but I, as so many other teenagers, got disappointed as my dad left us afterwards and my mom, while being okay with me being pan, always reminded me that it was my fault that he left.

My sister was the only person who didn't dislike me but as she went away to college, I was alone with my mom and thereof didn't really feel welcomed much less loved at my home.

When I was sixteen I had a massive crush on my best friend Liam. He never showed any signs of not being okay with same-sex relationships and had also never shown any interest in girls, so I acted on my feelings.

Which was very stupid. I don't even know why I did it as I mostly got negative reactions when people got told I not only liked girls.

So one time when we played FIFA at his I just kissed him. He didn't react good. He pushed me away called me a disgusting faggot and screamed at me that I should leave his house.

The next day at school everyone knew that I was "gay" and most students began to call me names and push me around. This behaviour went on for months and no end in sight.

Then about two months after I turned seventeen some of my classmates found it funny to beat me up. And one week after that again and again.

I didn't have anywhere to go.

I called Gemma a few times but she either didn't pick up or cut it short telling me that she was busy.

Everyone hated me for being me and I just couldn't bare it anymore.

That's how I became an angel. Two days afterwards everyone knew about it.

On May 26th Harry Edward Styles killed himself by overdose.

-

I thought it would get better after I met Louis. I thought I had finally found someone who liked me for being me, but I guess I thought wrong.

I mean yes in the beginning he was annoying and maybe a bit too nice but I warmed up to him and I have to confess him calling me his friend was nice to hear, as I did not have one for about five years now.

After seeing him with his boyfriend I also knew it was because I liked him more than a friend.

I just couldn't bear to get my heart broken again so I knew it was time to get my wish from the devil granted.

To finally die.

Not being an angel, nor demon.

But just being dead.

Finally, not feeling anything.

No loneliness, no sadness, no pain.