Unable to let go, unable to run away | Kagehina Angst

Where will we find peace?

Kageyama has always felt as if he can do everything on his own, he doesn't need anybody's help. He doesn't want people to see him as weak and fragile, he wants people to look at him like a tiger who needs nobody but himself to survive. Someone who views life the way Kageyama does has experienced being at the bottom, and doesn't want to feel that feeling ever again, which leads him to act all tough on the outside but deep down, he just wants someone to care about him without asking for anything in return. He wants someone to help him, he just wants to be happy again. Every day that passes he's suffering, but due to Kageyama's personality, he closes off to people: all the sadness he keeps buried down he turns into anger, anyone who shows even a little bit of kindness towards him he pushes away, it's his way of begging for help. But most people don't understand and see him as rude and disrespectful and leave him... Therefore, Kageyama often feels lonely. In addition to all of that, Kageyama is afraid of being abandoned, his father always blamed him for his mother's disappearance saying that if he wasn't born, he would have been happy.. That wasn't the last time he was abandoned by someone close to him, his former classmates left him, they rejected him the same way his father rejected him, everyone he has ever cared about rejected him or abandoned him. He decided that not letting anyone get close to him was much better. But there was someone who was able to take down the walls he built around his heart, and that's Hinata... Kageyama's sudden change of behavior was hinting that Kageyama was at his breaking point. Unfortunately, he isn't an emotionless robot, everyone breaks sometimes.. Sometimes the black haired boy wishes he could just run far far away from here, with his spiker, his best friend, Hinata.

*~End of flash back - Kageyama's point of view (POV)*~

As I was packing my bag I looked out of the dirty school window, I saw Hinata. He was leaning on his bike, probably waiting for me. Every step I took I felt my heart skip a beat, I was nervous, really nervous... The walk down the stairs felt like forever, but finally... I got to Hinata. He was staring at me with his big-looking brown sparkling eyes waiting patiently for me to say something, I could see he was just as nervous as me. As we started walking home, it was quiet. We were both uncomfortable, I saw him slowly stop walking so I turned to look at him. He was wearing the same jacket he wore last night, it looked good on him. He hesitated at first but then he said in a sad but worried tone...

Play the song "Repeat Until Death" By "Noya Amor"

"Why...Why didn't you tell me..? I could have hel-" I interrupted him saying "I don't need your pity, Hinata. And I absolutely don't need your help, I'm fine." He was taken a back at first "I don't pity you Kageyama, get over yourself! I am your friend for God's sake!!!" He said in a yelling tone, but he wasn't shouting, yet. "I DON'T NEED YOUR FALSE EMPATHY, I WAS ABLE TO SURVIVE TIL NOW ON MY OWN, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I NEED YOU NOW?!" He looked at me, he was shocked, I could see his tears trying to escape but he wouldn't let them... "I want to hug him right now so much, and apologize, and tell that yes, I do need him, yes, I do need his help, I didn't want to lose him too" I thought. But instead, I kept shouting and shouting, I don't even remember what I said.. Slowly I felt my tone calm down, my throat was burning from the inside out as I felt my cheeks starting to get wet.

This was my breaking point

I fell to my knees while sobbing, I gave up on trying to make it stop, I was too overwhelmed to do anything but cry.. Hinata just stood next to me, frozen. His hand covering his mouth. "How did I let this happen all over again?" The grass was wet, and the clouds were nonexistent. Snow falling from the sky. I looked up and there it was, one single cloud, staring back at me, it was grey and looked lonely, it reminded me so much of myself.. I flinched as I felt something press against my jacket, it was Hinata's tiny hands. They were warm and comforting, it made me feel safe. He was hugging me softly, his smile looking back at me, his bright, sunny smile that could light up a room in seconds.

*~Hinata point of view (POV) *~

"Stay by my side, it doesn't have to be forever. Even if it's just for now" I heard Kageyama say. He was almost unrecognizable, his silky hair that reminded me of the moon was now messy, and his eyes looked puffy and red. I took out my pinky finger and said quietly that only the two or us could hear "I am not going anywhere, I promise.." We were like two little kids making a naive promise to each other that they'd get married in the future.

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Author's note:

So many people have been dropping my story, which makes me feel insecure about posting but I'll keep going anyway! If you're reading this, I appreciate you for sticking around 👍 anyways, did y'all notice the Banana Fish reference 😉 anyways, cya! ❤ Also, feel free to comment any suggestions or ideas or whatever. And if you can share this story with anyone that'd be amazing, it would really encourage me to continue posting daily!