Disclaimer; If you're familiar with my books you know that they're angsty, if you're not.. Look in the description for the trigger warnings throughout this book! Anyways, I hope you like this book. If you're a fan of demus I have two other books that are both completed. Onto the book.
Janus was sitting on the couch of the Dark Side, reading a book. Remus was in the imagination which gave Janus time to relax and have some quiet. Janus was recovering from a breakdown he had earlier when he tried to go up near the 'Lights' for a Pop Tart, assuming they were asleep. Apparently the others were awake at 8:42, not shocking really. But he did get insulted with insults such as, "Snake face." "Liar." Literally anything insulting his appearance or his deceitful side. You don't see anyone insulting Patton! Well again, he isn't Patton. He isn't bubbly and nice, his voice always dripping with honey. Janus was dully, unapproachable and his voice dripping with sarcasm. Janus was convinced Remus was only 'friends' with him because Remus wouldn't get accepted and Janus was just there. Janus hissed in frustration, he hated thinking so much.
Almost as much as he hated himself.
Janus really hated everything about himself, from his face to what he is. Janus hates going up to try to help Thomas, get insulted and yelled at and the going down and not being able to let out all the pain because Remus wants to hang out with his friend after Janus gets back, (Janus may not know that he does this because Remus thinks Janus is going to leave too.) despite just wanting a break, he cant. He's Self Preservation. Despite not having any self preservation for himself. While Janus was wrapped into his thoughts, he didn't notice Remus coming back and yelling about cutting someone's leg. He only noticed when Remus shook Janus.
"Ah!- Uh- Hey Re, I didn't notice you." Janus flinched, putting down his book and facing the other side, "I can tell. Anywayssssssss," he mocked his hiss, "what're you thinking of? Bondage? Choking? Hair pulling? Oh my god do you have a praise kin-" Janus hissed, "No! I was just reading I wasn't thinking of anything.. like that." Janus stuck his tongue out, "I can make you think of it!" Remus smirked jumping onto his lap, Janus winced. "No, get off." Janus tried to push him off but Remus was laughing. He wasn't going to do anything. "Awww, come on." Remus snickered, Janus hit him in the arm, causing Remus to fall backwards. "Wow, rude." Remus told him, smiling. Janus rolled his eyes and stood up. "What do you want for dinner?" Janus asked, walking to the kitchen. "Spaghetti." Janus nodded and got all the prep for it.
Remus sat at their dinner table- which had many random words and drawings carved into it- and was rambling on and on about whatever he was talking about. Janus was half listening, just enjoying the sound of his voice. Remus knew that but he loved to be able to ramble to his best friend and not get shushed or made fun of. Janus put some spaghetti into a two bowls, Janus sat down the bowls and he sat down too, across of Remus. Remus added mouthwash to his, "At least your breath wont be stinking." Janus joked, "Oh yeah!!" Remus nodded and added some.. toothpaste to it. Janus stuck his tongue out in disgust, but still smiling. They ate with some conversation, mostly Remus talking. When they fell into a comfortable silence, Remus was just staring at Janus, while he was reading a book. Remus was admiring the- everything. Janus wasn't even reading, he was zoning out.
Janus shortly after went to his room, it was the first time he ate in a week or so. Janus didn't really see anything wrong with it because he technically was able to go two weeks without food, so he did. He liked the feeling of feeling skinny- despite it being too skinny. Remus noticed it but when he brought it up, Janus would be dismissive of it, saying "It's not a big deal." or finding an excuse. Janus laid down, on a half empty stomach. He threw himself under the pile of blankets and warmed up. It was generally cold and Janus's room was the warmest in the whole mindscape. He wasn't particularly drowsy and he was mentally bashing himself for being lazy but whatever. Janus hissed at the fabric running against his cuts. He was never able to release his feelings and he feared he'd be seen as weak and pathetic.
He looked at his phone, 6:23 PM He groaned, he wasted his day being anxious and being lost in thought that he barely did anything. Janus got himself busy by helping Thomas avoid awkward situations and such, which was mostly on Social Media. Most of what he was trying to do was overruled by Patton and/or Roman. He gave up on big stuff after he was turned down for the 4th time. Janus yawned and decided to sleep early.
Remus was busy jotting ideas down and thinking of ideas. He noticed that Janus never really did anything fun and Remus was bored and Roman didn't like him. Roman. Remus wished he had a better relationship with Roman but it never happened, he always felt like a burden and such around him. The lesser. He wished Roman knew how he felt, how it was so hard to get out of bed every morning knowing that everybody hates you and wishes you were dead. He only had one person to get up to and that was Janus. Hell, sometimes he doubted that Janus even liked him, enjoyed him at all. Maybe he just tolerated him. Remus groaned in frustration. He tried to focus at the task at hand but his mind couldn't. Now he was thinking of how Janus felt of him..
He doesn't even like you
No, he likes you!
He tolerates you
He wouldn't make you your favorite meal when you're upset
He is waiting for the moment to ditch you.
He could never leave you.
He'll be like Virgil.
He wouldn't want to follow in his footsteps
He wishes you never existed
He has told you that you were the best thing that has ever happened to him
You took away his childhood
That was his choice..
He would be so much happier without you.
He'd have no one.
Virgil would still be here.
Virgil hated me AND Janus
Roman would love to be the only brother.
Roman would be lonely..
He is lying about how he cares about you
He doesn't always lie!
He thinks Roman is the better twin
He is the better twin.
These stupid thoughts circled his head, making him start to shake. He hated this, he wanted this to all stop. He wanted his thoughts to shut up.
"Shut up.."
He wants to leave
"Shut up.."
He thinks you're a maniac
"Oh my god, shut up!" Remus yelled, "Remus you okay?" Janus asked, knocking at his door, "Y-Yeah, just my stupid thoughts." Janus made an oh sound. "You know I love you, right?" Janus reminded him, "I know."
And with that, the thoughts were silenced.
A/N: woah, so.. when janus says i love you, he means in a friend way. starting off with some angst!!
Sorry if this sucks, I have to wake up at 5:15 and its 11:30 and I couldn't sleep without publishing this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Ily!!
Word Count: 1263
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/"Lovesick Boys"\ //Demus\\
FanfictionJanus 'Deceit' Sanders and Remus 'Duke' Sanders have been bestfriends since the split, though Janus acted as the responsible, adult one despite being the same age. Remus had always been vocal about his feelings until Virgil left, calling him too emo...
