Insanely Insane|| Lams

Chapter 20

Alexander's POV
i wake up pouring sweat. My blanket on the floor, my pillows across the room.

"hammy?" john says and he's standing at my door way.. i look at him and the tears start streaming down my face

"baby..what happened?" he asks and i just sob...there's no way that i can tell him that i've been having nightmares of him actually killing me...there's no way

"i-i...i just had a n-nightmare.." i choke out and he sits on the bed and holds me and i cry harder. This is making it worse! but...being held after a bad dream feels nice..just not by the person that kills you in your nightmare..

"i-i'm fine..."i sniffle and pulls away from him. "i'm fine." i wipe my eyes and smile a little

"i'm sorry for waking you.." i say and he brings his hand up to the side of my face and caresses my cheek i lean into his touch and close my eyes..this feels nice. It's like the dream never happened

"don't be sorry..i was worried about you...i love you hammy..." he says as i'm starting to slowly fall back asleep..

"can..can i have a kiss before you take me back?..." he asks softly and i look at him..

should i?...i don't know if i should i-i mean won't that confuse him?

"i..i don't down john...i mean i don't want to confuse you or anything because i can't be with you..." i say and he sighs

"i know..but a kiss never hurt anyone..." he says and i just look at him.

i can't believe i'm actually considering this.

"...j-just a kiss right?" i ask and he nods and we both lean forward..i don't know why i'm so nervous

"your nervous.." he says and i just look at him..get out of my head!. crazy bastard.

"what for?" he asks and i don't say anything..

"answer me..." his lips hover over mine and my eyes close..just kiss me... i say to myself. wow what?....oh who am i kidding. I've been craving his lips since he kissed my hand...

"i-i don't know..just do it already" i say as i keep my eyes close and soon enough i feel his soft lips against mine.

this kiss is slow,passionate, it's like he's telling me his loves me just through a kiss..

i wonder what it would be like if we have sex..

no no no. bad hamilton. don't think about things like that.

he pulls away "what are you thinking about" he says in a hushed voice and i blush

"nothing..are we done? because if so i'd like to go back to sleep" i say and he shakes his head

"i'm not done.." he says and kisses me again. this time it's more rough but there's still some passion there.

i feel his tongue graze the bottom of my lip for permission to explore my mouth and i let him.

god..this feels so good...just kissing him feels incredible. I don't know when but he made his way down to my neck and he starts to kiss and suck on it

"j-john..." i say but he ignores me and lifts my shirt up and kisses my chest. I close my eyes and lean my head back..should i stop him or enjoy it? i mean...it's not like this will happen again right?

"m-more.."i moan as he plays with my nipples "p-please.." i say and he looks at me

"are you sure?.." he asks and i just nod. I'm sure i am 100% sure.

"yes yes.." i say and he takes off his clothes along with mine.

"as you wish Dr Hamilton.." he says and spreads my legs.

****_****

when we were done john fell asleep next to me.. i looked at the time and it's almost 9 in the morning...we've done it more than once but it helped me forget about everything..

i get up...ugh...god. i'm going to be sore for a while. I make my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower

i'm glad we did that...i mean i don't regret it but i just wish that he wasn't a patient in an insane asylum and he tried to kill me.

we aren't together..we just...had sex that's it.

Once the water gets warm i get in and lean against the wall

maybe this isn't so bad?..i don't know it still scares me that he can just snap at any moment and put his hands back around my throat..

i sigh..i knew this was going to happen. I knew i was going to fall again i just knew it...

but then again i never fell out of love with him..

i don't think i ever could..

—————————————————
i'm not good at writing smut so deal with this for now! <3
have a wonderful day!