Newsies as Things my Friends Have Said

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Oops, there's a lot of race here, my entire friend group are all crackheads-

(these are all texts btw)

***

Race: 2x3=5 right? because multiplication is the same as addition

Davey: yes.

Race: THANK YOU OH WISE ONE

***

Jack: Well we had a SUCKY year

Literally all the newsies: WE. ARE. BEING. POSITIVE. GRRRR WELL MAYBE IT'S JUST ME BUT THAT'S OK TOO

Jack: NO IM BEING PESSIMISTIC

Race: Grrr I'll eat your pessimistic ankles

***

Spot: Y'all are the most mentally unstable people I've ever met

Race: *loves attachment*

Albert: THANKS BROSKI

Spot: Consider urselves ✨silenced✨

***

Elmer: we'reくコ:彡 entering squid territory

くコ:彡                                          くコ:彡

                       くコ:彡

くコ:彡                           くコ:彡

                  くコ:彡                         くコ:彡

Crutchie: omg that's so cute

Specs: ...why

***

Spot: TO THE PAIN

Specs: oh my god

Spot: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.

Davey: What is this?!?

Spot: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.

Crutchie: Um...

Spot: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

Davey: DID YOU GET POSSESSED

***

Albert: The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

Race: u hurt my head

***

Race: Ugh my hook in the essay is "have you ever stolen a horse?"

Jack: yes

Jack: yes i have

***

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