tolerate it / [rini au]

ch. 1 - portrait

"but yeah! happy, uh, one year baby.. i made this picnic for us! like, all your favorite foods.." i ramble on while ej just flips through the pages of his book.

"it's nice." he mumbles. i shrug, leaning over to pick up a small canvas with a portrait of him.

"and i made this! i used my best colors so i uh, hope you like it!"

he glances at the painting, then grabbing it from my hands. a smile forms on my face, "do you like it?"

he nods his head, "i like the watercolor paintings you do." i slump into the pink blanket i laid on the grass. i sigh, smoothing my hot pink dress down. no, they aren't watercolors. they're expensive acrylic paints.

"it's a portrait, not a kindergarten painting."

+

okay, i know what you're thinking. ej doesn't treat me well, and you're right. in fact, you're probably reading this chanting "dump him nini!" i wish i had the guts too. it's such an awkward conversation and it's not like i can just say "we're over." and be fine with it. because a part of me likes ej, sometimes he's really nice to me. like he'll buy me a coffee, or carry my books. and i know that doesn't seem like a lot but- i don't expect a man to do everything for me. for fucks sake, i am a 20 year old woman, i'm able to do things myself. so, ej isnt the one in the wrong, you are!

+

i walk in my apartment to see my roommate gina on the couch watching netflix.

"oh. hey! how was your dateee?" she jumps up and follows me into the kitchen. i sigh, "pretty shitty, honestly. he sat there reading the whole time."

she groans then holds her arms out for a hug, "but when he's great it's really really great! i don't know maybe it's like.. depression?" i question. she pays my back, "i know baby but you don't deserve that. ashlyn tells you that all the time."

"i dont.. i don't know. i'm gonna go write a song maybe."

let me explain my job, i'm a small songwriter. i have maybe 15 thousand followers which is nothing compared to taylor or lorde. i record all of my songs in my mom's basement, whenever i can. i'm still super grateful for everything i have, i even have like 3 fan accounts, i'm super lucky, like i said.

i hum some melodies that came to mind, jotting down ideas.

"but you tolerate it." i mumble.