tolerate it / [rini au]

ch. 8 - not rlly

nini

i park my car and step out of it, the now cold air making me freezing after hitting my wet clothes. i lock my car and walk up the steep steps to mine and ginas apartment. gina and carlos went to go eat somewhere, i decided to take some time to be by myself. i unlock the door and turn the lights on, throwing my purse and jacket on the ground.

-

i sit down at my squeaky piano and start humming some melodies.

"if it's- hm... if it's all in my head let me know.. no, uhm, if it's all in my head tell me now." i play around with some lyrics, jotting them down as i go.

"tell me i've got it wrong.. somehow." i mumble. i get an email from my teacher as i start thinking of the next line.

Dear Miss Salazar Roberts,

I have noticed that you're grades in my class are extremely low. Please contact the following numbers to form a study group. I expect for you to have at least a C next week. Thank you.

Richard Bowen- 310-337-0786
Sebastian Matthew Smith- 310-112-7391

i groan at the list, seb i'm totally okay with, he's the love of my life and i'd die for him. ricky bowen. the guy who let me borrow his notes, the one with good handwriting.

okay then?? that was.. odd. maybe he doesn't remember me? well we had like half a conversation. anyways...

-

"so... tolerate it...? in your feels, huh?" gina bumped shoulders with me as she rolled cookie dough in balls.

i nervously laughed, "i guess. i uhm, got put into this study group."

"mm. with who?"

"with.. big red and seb."

"you know big red?"

"yeah, i have math with him.... he's nice."

-

gina sniffled and wiped her tears with a tissue, "why- why denny? like.. why couldn't they have killed off burke! i just..."

gina sobbed, we've been watching greys anatomy together.

"how are you not crying?" she questioned. i laughed softly, "just wasn't too attached to him."

gina paused the tv, "okay what is up with you?"

"nothing..?"

"obviously something is. you're never this quiet. and i know, bri and ej and everything.... but you're so tough."

i sighed, "i'm waiting to feel okay, i guess? i'm waiting to wake up one day and... just feel fine."

"well, honestly, i don't have much advice... i'm still waiting to run into ricky from the bar, i can't say my love life is going well. but maybe, just try to be patient, and do things that make you happy, and write about it, that could help."

i smile and nod my head, "thanks."