After sending that message, I turned my phone off and decided to sleep. It was the following day when I woke up and found he replied. He unexpectedly did! After going hiatus on me without any explanation, he replied!
But instead of feeling happy and excited, I found myself staring blankly at my mobile phone but not really reading his long message.
It was a message full of explanations.
Explanations that I would've appreciated more if he sent before my feelings has gone haywire.
I opened and stared at it for a few minutes but never read it. I didn't want to because I know myself better. If I read it, I might change my mind and I won't have control over my emotions anymore. That's what I don't want to happen.
After that, I decided to delete the Facebook and Messenger apps in my phone. A few days later, I found out I was pregnant and I couldn't be more depressed.
Pregnancy is not what I needed at the moment. I just broke up with my boyfriend and my family won't be happy with the news, but isn't pregnancy the result of joining of two bodies together called making love?
That no matter what the circumstance, this pregnancy is the result of a love that I always dreamed of but was never meant to be.
My dad totally flipped after hearing about my unplanned pregnancy. It's not a secret that they never liked Alister for me because of his happy-go-lucky attitude and this situation worsen their already intense feeling towards him. They were civil to him before. I cannot blame them though because the truth is, Alister never made a way to improve himself when we are still together.
Kuntento na siya sa kaalaman na aalis siya papuntang Canada. He'll spend his life there and probably will end up getting a much better job and compensation because only here in the Philippines are there discrimination about your level of education. In-enjoy niyang mabuti ang pakikipag-barkada pero hindi niya naipakita sa magulang ko na I he is what I truly deserve.
Hindi naman sila mahirap. In fact, his parents are good providers. His siblings also spoiled him with everything he wants and needed, na kahit ako nakatanggap din ng mga mamahaling regalo mula sa kanila even before we became officially a couple. He is a college graduate but his parents never forced him to work because he doesn't need to.
He's never experienced hardship as much as I did growing up and I cannot blame him for that, can I?
Hindi natin kasalanan kung ipinanganak tayong mahirap pero kung mamamatay tayong mahirap pa rin, tayo na ang may kasalanan.
That's why when I got pregnant with Sari, I did everything I can to seek greener pasteur. Wala akong kamag-anak sa Canada at mahirap naman mag-apply ng visa agad-agad papuntang Amerika. It's a blessing that my friend Ika, who owns a travel agency and have recently opened a branch in Bangkok, Thailand, asked me if I am interested to fill the position of the Manager.
Oh, I am not a business management graduate but I love travelling. Sa Pilipinas, every year tatlo hanggang apat na beses akong nagta-travel. Iyon ang paraan ko para makapag-relax man lang mula sa demands ng dati kong trabaho. Hindi naman mahigpit sila Mama at Papa, pinapayagan nila akong mag-travel kasama ang mga kaibigan at pinsan ko, at minsan nakakasama ko din sila.
My love for travelling landed me to a job that I eventually fell in love with. Ang pinaka-nakakapagpagaan pa ng trabaho bukod sa mabait ang kaibigan at employer ko, ay mga kasamahan ko dito. Blessie and Kaedy definitely made my stay here more fun and meaningful. Sila ang kasama kong nangangasiwa sa travel agency dito, at kasamahan ko din sa apartment na provided din ng company. We are blessed. Hindi man ito Amerika o Canada, at di naman kasing laki ng sweldo ng iba, pero hindi naman doon nasusukat ang success.
Ang tunay na katagumpayan masusukat kung maligaya ka ba sa buhay mo, mayaman ka man o hindi; nasa abroad ka man o nasa Pilipinas.
Masasabi kong kahit na naging dalagang ina ako, isa ito sa pinaka magandang blessing na natanggap ko simula ng ipinanganak ako. Hindi madali pero very fulfilling. It also makes me happier when my family started to accept everything and showed me and Sari unconditional love kahit malayo kami sa kanila.
Dahil hindi ako nakakauwi sa Pilipinas, ang pamilya ko ang dinadala ko sa Bangkok para makasama ko sila tuwing Christmas vacation. Hindi naman ganoon kamahal ang gastos dahil may mura ng airfares ngayon at hindi na nila kailangan pang magbayad ng hotel.
Hindi naman mahal ang mag-travel sa Thailand dahil ang presyo ng pagkain dito ay parang sa Pilipinas din. Masasarap ang mga pagkain at madali lang din lutuin. Sa totoo lang, dito ako na-in love sa cooking at baking. Dahil kaysa kumain kami sa mga restaurants sa city, nagluluto na lang kami sa bahay.
Kapag nandito ang pamilya ko, namamasyal din kami sa mga kalapit na ciudad. Hindi naman ganoon kamahal ang transportasyon, basta matiyaga at mapagpasensiya ka lang.
I can say that my life in Bangkok is much better than in the Philippines, but still there is no place like home. Iba pa din ang umuuwi ka araw-araw na nakikita mo ang pamilya mo, nakakausap mo sila at nagkekwentuhan kayo kung ano ang nangyari sa buong maghapon ninyo.
If given the same opportunity in my own country, I'd take it. Pero sa ngayon, masaya ako na nakakapag-provide hindi lamang para kay Sari kung hindi pati na din sa pamilya ko sa Pilipinas. Nagtatrabaho pa din naman ang Papa ko, pero retired na si Mama bilang teacher. Nag-aaral pa rin ang bunso kong kapatid na si Andrew at iyon ang pinagtutulungan naming tatlo nila Jam at Ian para hindi na maging bigatin pa sa mga magulang namin. Nagpapasalamat din ako sa Diyos dahil ang mga kapatid na binigay Niya sa akin ay mga responsable, masunurin at mapagmalasakit.
Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito at sa mga nagdaang taon, masasabi kong hindi nagbago ang nararamdaman ko para Alister. Sari is the spitting image or the girl version of her dad. Sa tuwing gigising ako sa umaga at minamasdan ko ang anak ko, I am reminded of how much I love and miss my baby daddy.
Hindi naman sa hindi ko sinubukan na kalimutan siya. Madami din ang nagtangka na manligaw sa akin dito sa Thailand pero sadyang wala akong napusuan at iniisip ko kung kaya ba talaga nilang tanggapin o lunukin na ang babaeng gusto nila ay may anak na? Oo, hindi naman na judgemental ang mga tao ngayon. Pero iba pa din yung kung single ka, single din at walang bagahe ang ihaharap mo sa dambana, di ba? Kaya sa dami ng sumubok, walang nagtagal. Dahil umpisa pa lang, sinasabi ko na sa kanila ang mga dapat nilang malaman.
Pero totoo nga na kahit iwan ka na ng lahat, may isang mananatili.
