Too Much Space

Vast, empty, nothing. It's all I see, all I ever see. It's in every direction and it is never-ending. I am only moving farther from anything else. I'm being dragged in the opposite direction, away from everything that I once knew, once found joy in. I can barely remember that joy is an emotion let alone what it actually feels like now. The darkness not only consumed my world but also my emotions. I used to feel sad about it. I used to feel fear for the idea of being alone forever as if I was in an ever-shrinking box. Ironic really considering how much space is around me in reality. But now those have been taken from me too. Now there's nothing left for the darkness to take. I have nothing left. I have become it and I have accepted that as my fate. I am entirely alone. Sure I have stars and planets with their own life scattered across my arms but they do not care for me, they don't even really realize I exist. They are all quite beautiful really. The pitch-black behind them allows my stars to shine, but why did the thing that allows them to thrive have to be the one suffocating me? Although you can never get used to the feeling of suffocating, or at least, I haven't yet, I have learned to manage it in a way. I've been stuck like this for billions of years it's harder not to at that point.
Eternity never sounds as long as it is and if you have to spend it alone it feels all the longer. Even now after all this time I still do not truly know what forever feels like and I never will because it never ends. I've barely lived and I have much to go, this will never end for me. Sometimes I wish the black hole at my center would just swallow everything whole and allow me to disappear but I know that is a selfish thought. So the only thing I have left to do is keep going, keep moving farther away, keep losing myself in the emptiness. Why do I have to suffer for them to be happy?
There was a time when everything was okay. We were happy, we had each other, and we paid no mind to the darkness around us. We knew nothing of the loneliness that would soon creep into all of our beings. That was right after the explosion that created us. We were all very small then, mostly just colorful clouds of gas that formed into who we are now over time. We didn't notice that we were drifting apart until it was too late. I can't remember much of it now and I'm sure it won't be long before I forget entirely. I wonder, if I had started off alone, would I still feel the pain I do now? If I hadn't known happiness or hope would I notice the loneliness and emptiness? Maybe this is all just a twisted and cruel game.
One day however things got a little brighter. Not just metaphorically but physically too. I had just begun to accept my existence as permanent and that there was nothing to be done about it when a small spark of light shone in the distance. It was the same light I'd feared before. The last time I'd seen it, it was the fading light of the last galaxy to leave my sight. But at that moment it rose a different emotion.
At first, I thought it was the usual hallucinations the space loved to create. I ignored it for so long until I noticed who it was. It was the beautiful celestial body I once shared this space with, danced with. It was andromeda. It started a feeling I had forgotten existed. It was hope, I think. I couldn't believe that I wasn't going to be alone anymore. I had someone to share this time with, someone who would understand, and the more I thought the more I hoped. Maybe we are all being brought together again, maybe we would be a family again. We'd dance and move through this alone. I imagined the day andromeda would get here for so long. I watched in the distance unable to take my eyes off of them. I was restless and excited beyond belief. Things were looking up. I no longer felt empty, I wasn't alone anymore. Everything was going to be okay. Do you think Andromeda and the others feel the same pain I do? I truly hope not, no one deserves this.
I could still feel the pull of the darkness but now I also felt Andromeda's. We pulled one another in slowly but surely bringing one another together. It was a rush, I was excited and I swear everything felt just a little more stunning. My stars were brighter, the colors were more vibrant, even the empty space seemed less grim and dark. I wondered, is this what happiness felt like? Was the suffering finally over?
Soon I stopped feeling the pull away entirely. I felt as though I'd been freed from my chains. I could still feel Andromeda's pull but I wanted that one, I needed that one. It felt like I was being pulled in for a warm hug instead of being dragged deeper into the pits of an ocean drowning me slowly.
Finally, we grew close enough that our arms could nearly touch and after that, everything moved so fast. We instantly spun around one another, moving in sync. We spun and spun until we pulled each other in completely. We pushed back apart in opposite directions continuing our dance. I forgot about everything, none of it mattered anymore. All that was left was Andromeda, all I needed was Andromeda. This switched back and forth between time slowing to a near stop and everything moving so fast I could barely keep up. Will we really get to travel through this together? Is this another hallucination somehow?
As we moved faster and faster moving closer and closer my excitement only increased. My pure joy was heightened beyond what I'd thought possibly. Our arms began to intertwine and meld into one. I didn't mind we were still together and I could hold onto them. Then I stopped being able to tell where I ended and they started. I was okay with this, it meant I would never lose them now. We spun and spun, explosions all over us from stars colliding into one another like we were crashing into each other. I didn't care, I was on a high I never wanted to come down from. I was too excited to notice. Why didn't I notice?
I continued to spin and fly around enjoying every moment being sure not to forget a second of it. I didn't realize what had happened until my movements began to slow. Andromeda was gone. All of their stars were here scattered across my own arms. But Andromeda had disappeared. That's when a sinking feeling of dread set in. The thing I believed to be a gift a savior was really a curse. We'd merged into one and all that was left was me. Everything came flooding back, crashing in harder than it ever had. It hurt. I broke completely after that. The darkness had done it. It had broken down my consciousness entirely. I didn't think, I didn't watch the hallucinations in the dark. I didn't even feel the pain anymore. I was empty. Completely devoid of anything I once was. I watched the life of the animals and people on my planets for a while hoping I might take some comfort in that but I never felt a thing. I just watched, staring blankly. I couldn't even feel mad that they were allowed to feel joy because I suffered. Mostly because I wasn't suffering anymore and I guess maybe Andromeda was still a gift because of that.
I was meant to live eternity like this. The darkness had won and I have truly accepted that now. Eventually, my consciousness faded out entirely. I didn't think or feel anymore, I was just gone. I stopped existing at all.