A Ray of Light (Nagito x Izuru fanfiction)

Chapter 2: Smile

I don't really remember what happened "before". I know I'm not myself anymore. The ancient me was completely erased, to end up with the me from now. Even so, sometimes, I hear what could be the voice of this ancient self, talking in my head. Like if the feelings hadn't completely disappeared. 

~It's interesting, don't you think? 

Not really. Just a little annoying.

~But the fact that it annoys you shows that you find in him at least a little interest. 

Hmm...

~You probably won't find anything like him for a while. You should enjoy it while you can. A little excitement in your life...

If you say so... I turned my head toward the window. A flowerpot had appeared on the windowsill, containing a small white flower. I don't remember seeing anyone put it there. I don't think anyone is taking care of it either. Flowers are so fragile. They die so easily. Why would they bother living at this point? Well... even if I say that... flowers exude a strange beauty that only them have. The way they're always struggling to live, the way they're always at the edge between life and death and yet continue to fight, is fascinating. Humanity is boring, living like it was the easiest thing to do. They are selfish. Well, I guess I am also one of these selfish individuals... Though, there is some people who prioritizes others. But, most of time, these supposed kind hearts help others because it makes them feel better. Genuinely kind people are extremely rare. In the end, everyone is the same...

A white Iris... Representing purity and innocence, but also faith, or Hope... White... Like his hair. This isn't really a common hair color, but it seems natural. I wonder...

I looked to the side. And I also wonder what he is doing right now.

[*...*]

I tensed up and swiftly hid the other side of the sliding door. He saw me. Why am I hiding anyway? I was just entering the classroom. Well, I might have been staring a little too long, but... He's just so mesmerizing... Ah, what am I thinking? That's weird. I usually stay far from everyone else, just looking at them is too much for someone like me- What's going on?! O.K, calm down, why am I panicking? I took a peek by the door window, then quickly hid myself back. He's still looking this way! Why am I so stressed? 

-Humm, Komaeda, what are you doing?

I turned around to see Mahiru, who had asked the question, as well as Mikan behind her, both giving me a weird look. I was blocking the door afterall.

-I'm so sorry! My weird behaviour must have perturbed you both. Please ignore me and forget this unpleasant sight.

Mahiru sighed while I squeezed myself to the side to let them pass. I entered the classroom a moment after and went to my desk, as the class would begin really soon.

*///*

During the break, I, against my will once again, turned to look at Izuru-... kun, but he had left the classroom without doing a sound. I felt a little disappointed for some reason. I turned at Chiaki, who was on her game console as expected. 

-Sorry to bother you, but would you know where Izuru-kun went? I didn't even see him leave...

She groaned, then lifted her eyes.

-Hmmm... I don't know... He disappears like that every break and all throughout lunchtime... And nobody knows where he goes... He probably has a secret hideout or something like that...

I brought a hand to my mouth, like each time I'm thinking. Hmmm.... I'm not sure where he could be... I don't have that much time left to go search for him... My eyes then wandered around to stop on a flowerpot containing a single flower on the windowsill next to Izuru's desk. Chiaki-san then spoke up, in her usual lazy tone, but with a gentle smile on her face:

-That's a pretty flower isn't it? I think Izuru-kun likes it quite a lot. He's always staring at it. But, I think nobody's taking care of it... The teacher probably forgot it there. It'll probably fade away soon... That's a shame...

She yawned, and, like if having so much interaction with someone was the hardest thing she ever did, layed on her desk, to take one of her usual naps. I went back to the flower. Fade... away... huh? Hmmm...

*///*

[*...*]

I bumped into... Nagito on my way back. He tensed up, then after smiling nervously, went past me. In his hands, he was holding... a jug of water. Hm... I walked back to the classroom and sat at my desk. He came back not long after, just before the teacher. Classes were boring, like the usual. I don't need to learn all these. With all my talents, I can live my life with ease. It's so easy that it is boring. Everything's boring... I turned my head toward the window. I didn't noticed it at first, but when a ray of sunshine illuminated the flower I saw it. Small water drops on the petals, reflecting the light. A jug of water. A small grin climbed to my face. 

Not so boring, I guess.

[*...*]

I glanced at Izuru-kun several times, discreetly not to receive a warning from the teacher and disturb the other students. He's turning toward the window. Why do I want him to notice it so much? And then... I almost didn't see it. A small smile. Very small. But he still smiled. It felt like an accomplishment. And... it was nice smile. I turned my head before the teacher saw me not looking at the front. And felt a silly smile make his way to my face. Fuyuhiko sitting next to me looked at me in a weird way, but I didn't care.

I made him smile. I want to see his smile more. I'll... make him smile more. From now on, small, big and even laugh. I want to see this hope of his once again.

Sorry if the definitions aren't exact, especially for the japanese words, I don't speak japanese, well at least not yet (learning, learning~). I'm doing my best though. Hope you like it.