Tutoring the Bad Boy [REWRITTEN]

14. family problems and running

"WHAT THE HELL am I supposed to do?" I sighed in exasperation, shoving my face into the palms of my hands. "I feel like such a player."

     "Okay, so you have the edgy boy and the baseball boy all over you and you can't choose between them is what I'm hearing," Ayana concluded. It was a cold Saturday and spring felt so far away. I really just wanted it to be warm by now.

     "It's not that I can't choose between them, it's just that I don't even know if I'm ready to commit to a relationship. It feels like I'm leading them on and if I end up not even wanting to be in a relationship, I feel like nothing good will turn out from it," I explained, looking out of the café window as I took a sip from the coffee. "Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I should just let them both go."

     "Don't let them go when they're obviously so happy with you right now. But just know that only you can tell if you're really ready for a relationship or not," the girl told me with a shrug before a glimmer of curiosity struck in her eyes, "but if you had to, who would you choose?"

     "What if that happiness ends it they find out that I'm not ready for a relationship?" I asked, ignoring her last question though it was plastered into my mind now.

     "Have you seen Tobias? I think he'd be completely fine with just being friends. I don't know about Archer, but I think that you're good for him. Just like they're both good for you," she answered.

—

Ayana's question replayed in my mind like a broken record as I went on about my day. Who would I choose? Is it even okay to choose? I feel like they're like some type of toy and I'm being forced to choose one or I wouldn't get either of them. Thanks Mom.

The air was dry and cold as I walked on the concrete sidewalk back to my house. It didn't help that the jacket I was wearing was extremely light and I had nothing but a t-shirt Ayana let me "borrow" because apparently I needed a better variety of clothes that didn't consist of the same three t-shirts and hoodie that I wore every day. She told me that she lent it to me for a while but we both know that she's going to let me keep it. It's not like I didn't like the shirt, but I didn't want her to give me things out of pity.

     I put the hoodie over my head and clutched my hands closer to the pockets of the jacket. The few cars that did pass through this neighborhood didn't even bother to stay under the speed limit, and it left me to deal with the aftermath that was the strong gust of wind that the car caused. Honestly, anything under sixty degrees is cold as fuck. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks because I just know that I'm right, and the forty degree weather I was in currently was anything but preferable.

Not to mention that the sun was already starting to set against the horizon. I remember the times where I used to climb on top of the roof during the summer to watch the sunset back in middle school. The view wasn't the best considering the trees that ended up covering it, but the sky was still pretty. Even though I was always alone with nobody home, the sky was still pretty.

Then Oliver came and we would watch it together. It wasn't much, but that spot on the roof as the sun gradually went down beyond the horizon was my favorite place in the world. It made me feel so safe. Now that things are over, I haven't been up there since. I haven't even stopped to try and look at the sun set or rise because all I see in it is the face of my ex. Staring at me. Disappointed that I left. Anger. Regret. Sadness.

I shook the thought off as I arrived to my house. I didn't bother knocking or announcing my arrival since I knew that my mother would be knocked out from the night before or already be out drinking more. When I went inside and put my hood down, I found myself face to face with my mom latched onto another man's arm. Confusion flashed across my face before anger started to boil in my veins.