MOANS BEHIND THE EASEL (Completed)

Chapter 1

WARNING ⚠ ABUSIVE THOUGHTS AHEAD. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

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GULF'S POV

"NO PLEASEEE.. I BEG YOU STOP HURTING ME..." I sobbed hard. Again I am awake, crying.

I thought he was the one, I thought he loved me.

I met him in college, while I was studying fine arts in France. He's my first everything. At first I thought it was love.

But later on, it turned out to be a disaster, his possessiveness choked me. I can't breathe. He molested me, fucked me without mercy. He hurt me many times, tied me in the basement of our house.

We lived together. I don't know how long I stayed on that basement of agony. Until Frank didn't come back. I waited for him to hit and hurt me again but no one came.

I was hungered and dehydrated when my Mom and sister found me and brought me back here in Thailand.

My father still doesn't accept me. So I lived and ventured alone. By the help of my mother and sister, I slowly cope up. But the ghost of my abusive past always came back every time I fell asleep.

I dreamed of Frank hurting me.
I ended up slashing my skin with anything sharp. Every time I saw my blood gushing out of my slashed skin, I felt calm. Then I will fell asleep again without nightmare.

My mother always came to check me. She has duplicate on my condo so she can come anytime she wanted. I know she's afraid if I will really kill my self.

I am seeking death, but it didn't came.

I stare at the razor blade I am holding.
"It's always me and you buddy.. Thank you for your comfort."

I squint my eyes, when I felt the pain as I slash my wrist, a few inches away from the large veins.

I felt the pain.. It calms me.
I let my blood drips off. Then I fell asleep.

I woke up feeling better. I looked at my wrist and it has bandages now, my mom is here.

"Gulf.. Until when will you let me worry about you?" She said, her voice quivering and shaking.

"I am okay mom." I got up and go to the bathroom to take a shower. Then I prepared to paint again, I have an unfinished project.

"Your Dad wants you to join us on dinner."

I immediately look at her. Disbelief was written on my face.
"Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe it is the right time for you to reconcile?, please come son, Grace and I will be happy. I already cook breakfast. Please eat I'll go ahead." she kissed me on my head.

"Fine, I'll come." I said without looking at her. I got engrossed on painting and I didn't noticed the time. It is almost dinner time when I finish my project.

It's a painting of a wounded person, seeking for self love. That's what I lack in this life. Self love.

I prepared for the dinner. I go there right on time.

I look around, after years, I finally came back in this house.

"Sir Gulf, they are on the dining room already." the servant guides me in.

"Good evening." I flatly greeted them.

Grace immediately got up and hugged me.
"It's been so long.. I miss you."

I hug her back. "I miss you too."

My father scoffed aloud. I didn't mind him, I sit down amd started to scoop foods, I suddenly felt hungry.

I remembered that I didn't eat bmthe breakfast Mom cooked for me.

My father cleared his throat.
"How are you Gulf."

"Still breathing Dad. I'm sorry for that." I get the pork basil, I know this is for me. Mom prepared this.

"Still painting lewd things?"

"I never seen my arts lewd DAD." I emphasis calling him Dad.
"I am planning an exhibit on Siam Paragon, next month."

"Nice. I hope you will realize soon that medicine runs in your blood." he scoff.

"It doesn't Dad. Medicine isnt a platelet or hemoglobin."

"Stop being sarcastic." He dropped his fork on his plate making loud noise.

I straightly look at his eyes.
"Did you invite me here after 6 years just to insult me and my passion Dad? Nice.. It's working. Thanks for the food Mom, Grace. I'll get going. I hope you'll all be okay."
I wipe my lips with the table napkin and I leave them.

I didn't look back even though I heard my mother and sister calls me. My father will always be my number 1 critique. And I hate him for that.

***

MEW'S POV

"Jom.. I want someone to paint me nude. Definitely not you. It's embarrassing."
I said to my sister who's busy stroking the paintbrush on her canvas.

"Brother, stop pestering me. I am busy."

"Just recommend a painter. I will be happy." I insisted.

"Fine. I'll ask my friend later. Now leave me alone."

"Thank you." I pinch her cheek, then I left her studio. She has her own small studio inside our mansion, while me I have my own recording and music room.

Our family are all artists in different fields.

I look at the vacant notes for my new song. I still wanted to write a song, but I lack inspiration.

I left home and walk until my feet reaches the famous bridge.
This bridge was a battle place before. But one person leaning on the railings caught my attention.

"Hey... Whatever your problems are.. Please don't sort on killing yourself."

He look at me. I cant clearly see his face, we are on the dark side of the bridge.

"I stopped seeking death, I will just wait." then he left me here alone.

Ahh, weird people.