When I Grow Up

Chapter 2: Emily

                                                                             LILLY YU
                                                                         21 Years Old

I woke up to the sun shining directly to my face. The first thing I saw was the white ceiling of my rented room. One of the perks of living alone was being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. 16 year old me would have longed for this kind of freedom. 

Jesus – what time is it? I checked the clock on the wall – it's 9:15 a.m. Shit, I was late.

I went straight to the showers and quickly put on some clothes after – a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts.

I took one look in the mirror to have a quick check, my slightly damped long wavy hair fell just below my shoulders. I took my tote bag and everything I needed, put on my white Superga's and headed straight out the door.

The street was already bustling with people strolling and talking, and cars moving about on a Saturday morning. I took out my iPhone and sent a text to Emily as I quicken my pace to the tram stop. "Will be there in 15 minutes." Emily replied with, "OK. See you soon!"

Emily was my friend from university. We met through a mutual friend, however, our personalities were the complete opposite. She was an extrovert, loud and wild with pink and purple hair which was freshly dyed at the beginning of summer.

My first impression of her was that she was easy to talk to, down to Earth for anything, and the obvious, very cool. She can also be intimidating, a good kind of intimidating. Emily would be invited to all sorts of parties and sometimes she would invite me to some of them which I had politely declined.

Parties were not my thing at all. Once I've been to a party that Emily invited me to and it went pretty crazy. Almost everyone was drunk and were shouting and slurring, bumping into strangers' sweaty bodies, and once a drunk guy wanted to kiss me.

I took the tram and got off at the right stop and walked to the café that me and Emily planned to meet. As I approached the café, I spotted the back of Emily's head – thanks to her vibrant hair. She was seated outside, the cool breeze blowing her hair softly like she was in a movie.

"BOO!" I said attempting to scare her and I succeeded. Startled, Emily slapped me on the shoulder playfully.

"Lilly! God, you scared me!" Emily rolled her eyes, chuckling.

I laughed and hugged her, "How are you? I missed you!"

"I have so much to tell you and I missed you too! But first, let's start ordering. I need food and coffee in my system."

We looked through the menu and ordered our food; Emily had salmon bagels and an iced latte, and I had toasted chicken sandwich and my favourite matcha latte.

"The waiter is kinda cute, don't you think?" Emily said, eyeing at the waiter who had just served us.

The waiter, Isaac (I looked over his name tag when he was taking our orders), has broad shoulders, his biceps looked like his uniform was too small for him, and his ashy brown hair was perfectly gelled.

"He's alright. I don't think he's my type or maybe I'm not his type at all." I said.

Our food came and Emily did all the talking about the time she went to a party at the club. Apparently there was a fight between a drunk girl and two drunk men. The drunk girl was caught cheating and apparently her boyfriend was at the party.

"She was caught kissing her boyfriend's best friend. She was wasted! Well, people get honest when they're drunk," Emily sighed.

I listened to the story, wide-eyed. "That's crazy! What happened after?" I asked.

"I left the party before the fight started but I heard that they broke up and the girl got together with her ex's best friend. Well, now they're ex best friends. The drama, can you believe it!"

"Wow, that's intense," I said, sipping on my matcha latte.

Emily ran her fingers through her hair and said, "Situations like these are normal at parties. A fight would break out and I would still be on the dance floor, dancing."

We burst out laughing.  

Suddenly, with a concerned look on Emily's face, I guessed what she would ask next.

"How's everything going for you? How's therapy?" Emily asked.

Recently, I've been going to therapy to cope with my anxiety. Dr. Marie Reece, my therapist, didn't say too much but listened to my stories and only asked questions for the first few sessions. It helped me think of why I acted the way I did. She didn't just help me but she guided me to be better. She reminded me to take control of my feelings.

"Therapy is great, I have a session with Dr. Reece this afternoon. I'm lucky enough to see a therapist, moved overseas to study, and live by myself. It's a good getaway from everything in the past," I muttered at the end.

"You're so strong, Lilly," Emily held my hand, her big blues eyes looked like she was holding back tears.

Emily was the one who has been with me through it all. She was the one who encouraged me to see a therapist after I had a meltdown when I went through a breakup last year.

That night after the breakup, I called Emily, crying and hyperventilating – telling her all about it – the anxious thoughts. She tried to calm me down through the phone and stayed up with me the whole night. My eyes were puffy from crying. The next morning, Emily came to my place and had to drag me out of the house for fresh air.

We went on a spontaneous day trip. It kept my mind from the grief and I just lived the moment like everything was okay again.

Emily and I paid our bills, hugged and went our separate ways. Before she went, Emily said, "I'll see you soon, okay?" She kissed me on the cheek.

I nodded and waved.

As soon as I was about to leave, the same waiter who took our order called out, "Miss!"

I turned.

"You forgot your phone."

I looked at Isaac who was holding my iPhone in his hand. "Oh, I'm sorry about that! That was careless of me. Thank you," I smiled and went over to grab my phone.

Isaac smiled back charmingly with his straight pearly white teeth.

"No problem," he replied.

I took a taxi and showed up at my 2 p.m. appointment with my therapist. She was already waiting for me to come in.

"Hello, Lilly. Lovely weather today isn't it?" Dr. Reece asked, looking out the window  – a notebook was on her lap and a pen in between her fingers.

The room was just as I remembered at every session. Different pictured artworks hanging on the white painted walls, an armchair that Dr. Reece would usually sit and a two-sitter couch were in the middle of the room on a fluffy grey rug.

I sat down on the couch, "Hi, Dr. Reece. It surely is." I said, looking at the same direction – the sky was clear and bright, the sun was out and a couple of birds were flying in the sky. It was nice and peaceful which reminded me of a painting.

"How has journaling helped you so far?"

Dr. Reece has suggested that I journal my thoughts and feelings as much as I can, and list what I was grateful for each day. The first time I journaled, it was like something has taken over me. I let it all out, page by page.

Then, tears started welling in my eyes and dropping onto the pages. Tears of relieved.

I looked at Dr. Reece. I can tell she was ready to listen attentively, "I feel more at peace with myself, a purpose to live. I can express what I feel without feeling embarrassed. It's like a safe space for me."

Dr. Reece nodded.

"I'm glad you are feeling that way, Lilly. That's progress. So, where did we left off the last time?" Dr. Reece looked through her notes. "Ah, yes! Your childhood, tell me something about that."

And so I began...