When I Grow Up

Chapter 4: Serpents and Doves

                                                                              LILLY YU
21 Years Old

The world was a dark spiral at first and when it finally stopped, I realised that I was home – in the middle of the living room. The place still looked the same as I remembered it to be.

A big family portrait hanging on the wall and a few framed pictures on the wooden TV unit. The navy coloured sofa was placed in a way that wasn't proportionate to the size of the living room and the black coffee table that I remembered so vividly painting plasters of princesses using different coloured paints and a thin brush. The room smelled like lavender but it was musty and oddly chilly.

I felt the cold marbled floor beneath my bare feet.

Then, I saw myself. A fragment of a memory. I was looking at 10 years old Lilly, in her uniform walking in the living room holding a white envelope in her hand.

And all of the sudden, I was a shadow, a glimmer living as her. But I couldn't speak or move but only capable of observing. So, I observed.

I sat on the sofa and opened the letter; it was the day that I was punished by Miss Yao. It was again, typed, but this time it came as a message:

Dear Lilly,
Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. For the serpents may be seen as evil and the doves are pure and innocent. But when these two come together and shall you be faced with challenges, your intentions will be clear.

Mum started walking towards me as her bedroom door closed behind her and I quickly kept the letter in between the sofa. She knelt in front of me so that our eyes would meet, they were red and glistening.

Mum spoke with a hoarse voice, "Lilly, I need you to listen to me."

I could hear the sadness in her voice. I nodded, confused.

"Daddy won't be coming home anymore. It will just be the two of us from now on."

"What do you mean? We're a family! I want Daddy to come home!" I cried.

Mum squeezed my arms tightly until they hurt. "Listen to me! Why won't you listen? Daddy is gone, he's not coming back."

I stood up, my face was red with anger and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them from coming like I always do.

"Why do you always want me to listen to you?! I do listen! But you've never listened to me! You're always in control of everything!" I yelled.

I went straight to my room and slammed my bedroom door, crying myself to sleep.

That day when Mum told me that Dad won't be around anymore, I haven't seen or heard from him since.

I recalled all the times they would argue in the middle of the night when they thought I was asleep.

"Be honest with me, Brandon!"

"Anna, I can explain..."

Their voices were muffled and I couldn't make out what the argument was about but day by day it became more frequent.