From My Eyes

Unbreakable Paranoia

(This one is my second writing just before my illness. I hadn't learned about the poetic devices then but still I tried to write. It's a free verse you can say and also you can notice the childishness and naivety in it. The changes in the number of verses in every stanza can tell about the ups and downs in my life and other uncertainties. But do tell me if it places you in some paranoia after reading, like I was then. )

Don't need your disbelief, your unpleasant thoughts

They are far away from my pleasure

Gloomy it is ,black n' dark

Eating ,gnawing ,distracting, annoying

A lot of frustrations

But nowhere to expel

To express

Reason don't know

And no one has
Darkening ,horrifying .. my loneliness ,is it ?

Just hanging by a thread

One wrong movement

Will cause a death
A death in the dark ,or I am lost in the black ?

I see many intruders in this world

Disrupting the silence made by me

Trapping my thoughts

Beware of them!

Don't let them in

My world is

Under threat

A secret to be kept

So dark it is here

Can't see ,so beware
These creepers begin to dare ?

Annexing this abyss of black
Defeating my rule and don't want me to react ?

Implementing their words

Careless of mine

Making it hollow, making it disgraced

Denying all the present signs

Not willing to see any thought to rise

Caging these thoughts

These are trying to hide

They are in a rush

Their symmetry now disturbed

Scattered n' dispersed

This is for what they crept

Destroying thier peace

These are no more the inhabitants
My thoughts which once used to occupy this darkness ,are now in a cage ?

They are calling them conquerors

They are saying that they made

Unaware of the fact

That they are just snatchers ,they didn't make

They shut my raising words

They shut every gate
Breaking every principle n' not a single claim ?

They are trying to hush my thoughts

They know that they are blamed

I am running after these thoughts

To compile them again

But I am lost in this darkness

It's piercing me again

Trying to hide ,trying to run

Trying to fix those things ,which are now undone

I know that they'll burn them ,but how will I save ?

It's making me weak

I don't want to be

Preparing myself for the struggle

Future is decided

I can't retreat
These so called humans ,have invaded my territory ?

Ruining its peace

Destroying my fantasy

They call themselves humans

They are nothing more than a thief

I found it for me

When no place was there to be

When no other place was there to abide

They trapped me ,scared of me

They were afraid that I would oppose them

They tried to suppress

Although i was weak

But i tried to conceal

I made my own world

I need it just for me
They snatched this only pleasure ,they snatched it for me ?

I chose this dismal place

As a better place for me

I know that my talent

Could be free here only

How difficult it is to admit

Something which you're not
Hiding your weaknesses from others ,because you don't want them to be caught ?

Now I have lost all my dreams

What I have now

Is nothing more than grief

Again I am trying to reconcile

I find some flowers

I find them blooming in my life

But people plucked them away
Why they don't want me to be alive ?

My existence like a shattering glass

My words are like an unbearable task

The moaning dreams n' untitled graves

I wish that these things could phase

The more I think

The worst it'll be
Then why I couldn't keep these worst things out of my mind ?

This shrouded death

The only way to escape
But how come I'll be able to reach this solace ?

Grief ,tragic

Sorrows n' haze

These uncertainties

None could replace

Chasing hope

N' searching means

Where I will find that dove of peace ?

After all the loss

Which none could mend
This Unbreakable Paranoia ,never seems to end