Roommates » [Luke Patterson]-Au

Chapter 39

Tanna Carson

My hands slowly slide down to his arms as I try pull back away from him, but he leans further forward, keeping our lips connected.

I keep my eyes closed, but it's like finally after everything, something clicks and what I know is that this doesn't feel right.

His lips are directly on mine, trying to part my lips, but all I can seem to think about is Luke and how this felt nothing compared to the way Luke's lips felt against mine.

I push my hands against his chest, stepping back completely as he opens his eyes, looking down at me with confusion.

"I- I can't do this." I say sighing, realizing how much of a mess I've made. "This isn't right."

"It feels right to me." He says taking a step forward and I follow suit, taking a step back.

"Jesse, This isn't fair to do to either one of us." The words leave my lips as I look up into his eyes, watching for his reaction.

"Why not? I thought we were having fun together?"

"You're not him." I say those three words so quietly, almost as if I'm afraid of what will happen after I they escape my lips. "Nobody is."

"What do you mean?"

"You're an amazing guy Jess, but I can't keep pulling you along like this and pretending that everything's okay when I can't give you what you want."

He sighs, running his hand through his hair as he catches onto what I was saying, before he nods in understanding.

"It's about that sunset swerve boy you didn't wanna talk about isn't it?" He jokes, trying to lighten the mood and I can't help but laugh, grateful for the way he responded.

"As much as I've told myself it isn't, it is. He's always on my mind, no matter how hard I've tried and it was unfair of me to bring you into that. I'm sorry Jess."

"Hey, it's okay, think about it like this. We just went on a few catch up dates as old friends, how about that?" He says, making me smile as I nod slowly, completely confused by the way he's being so nice about this.

"I'm going to take that as my cue to leave." He says as my phone starts ringing from inside my bag.

"I'm sorry again." I say as I smile sadly, holding onto my bag with both hands as he walks down the driveway way towards his car.

"No more saying sorry okay? We can catch up when we both get back to Los Angeles yeah?"

"Of course." I wave my hand, saying goodbye as he climbs into his car before pulling out of the driveway.

I stand still for a second, wrapping my arms around myself as I stare at the few cars rushing past. How could I mess up this badly.

My phone rings again, snapping me out of my gaze as I reach into my bag to search for it.

I accept the call, holding it up to my hear after I see Ella's name light up across the screen.

"Hey El, is everything okay?"

"Are you home yet?"

"Yeah, I was just about to ask you to come over. I wanna talk to you about something."

"Okay good I'm about to pull into your driveway." I furrow my eyebrows at her words, lifting my head up at the sound of a car pulling into the driveway.

I laugh into the phone before ending the call as Ella climbs out of the car and walks up to me.

"We have got to talk." She says seriously and I can't help but look at her confused before nodding slowly.

"After you." I unlock the front door, holding it open as she walks inside and up the stairs to my room while I lock the door behind us.

I climb the stairs as I make my way into my room before closing the door behind me. I turn around, noticing Ella watching me while sitting cross legged, already comfortable on my bed.

I put my bag down onto the dresser before sitting down on the chair in front of it.

"Tan what happened with Alex?" Her question leaves me confused as to how she knows what happened. "Reggie called me saying that he heard Alex crying this morning but he couldn't say why and thinks he was having a panic attack." My eyes widen completely at her words as my heart rate quickens majorly.

"This is my fault." I say shakily as I press my nails into my hand harshly. "Ella I've messed everything up."

"Woah, what happened Tan."

"Alex and I had a really bad fight. Like we've never fought this bad before, all because I've been so selfish. I know I needed to get out of the mental state I was in, but he was there and I pushed him away and did it my way which was so wrong."

The panic in my voice heightens and I can't help but worry about Alex. It was really early in Los Angeles when I was speaking to him and I know he wouldn't have gone to wake up the boys if he was having a panic attack so it was luck that Reggie had heard him.

"Okay just calm down, Reggie was with him, he said Willie is there with him now, whoever that is." I close my eyes, trying to calm down for a second before standing up and grabbing my computer.

Ella watches me cross the room in confusion as I sit back down, unlocking the computer before pulling up a blank webpage.

"Can you call Reggie for me please?" My fingers tap against the desk frantically as I wait for the page to load.

A few days after Reggie and Ella spoke over the phone, Reggie asked me if I could send him Ella's number. At first I couldn't help but feel a bit confused, but after seeing the happiness in his eyes, I knew whatever I was feeling didn't matter.

Him and Ella have been speaking none stop since I sent him her number, which I'm extremely happy about because I know that Reggie isn't anything like Adam but also because seeing him so happy makes everything amongst the mess feel slightly better.

"Yeah, why?" She asks, unlocking her phone before clicking on Reggie's contact.

I sigh in relief when the page finally decides to load before scrolling to find the earliest flight out.

"I'm going back to Los Angeles tomorrow, do you want to come back with me?"