Roommates » [Luke Patterson]-Au

Chapter 32

Luke Patterson

You knew I would fall
Before I would break
And you knew it all
All that I could take

I don't know why
I thought it was you
I'd change the hands of time
If only I knew

'Cause I've seen the best and worst that's inside of me
Dreams are all mixed up with reality
It could've been anyone, been anyone

I sigh, flicking the pen in my hand back and forward rapidly, letting it hit the song journal over and over again as I rack my brain for ideas.

I stare down at the lyrics on the page, eyeing them cautiously before groaning and throwing my head back.

It's been a week and a half since Tanna left to fly back to London without saying goodbye but I can't even blame her. Since she left, Alex and Reggie haven't uttered a single word to me.

We haven't been rehearsing at all but besides that, we haven't even been hanging out like we used to. As much as I miss them, I know this is all my fault and as usual I managed to mess up the only good things in my life.

I haven't been able to focus long enough to write a song for the band, not that we'd be using it right now anyways.

The only thing I've managed to write was some type of expression of everything I'm feeling. Needless to say, I don't think it makes sense because I'm just a mess right now.

My heart tightens at the ongoing images of her flashing through my mind making me shake my head in disbelief. I don't deserve her, I hurt her, no matter how much I could try to pretend I didn't, yet I can't get her out of my head.

There's nothing I can do except wait for her to come back and give her the space she needs away from me just like everyone else does at one point or another.

I lift my head back up, looking down at the journal in front of me before chuckling at myself.

"Since when did I write love songs." I let out a huff, closing the journal with the pen hooked inside before standing up of the couch in the studio.

I make my way upstairs and towards the TV room, following the sounds that ran through the house.

As I stand outside the TV room, I stand against the wall for a second hoping the two boys would be in there.

Reggie and Alex have been there for me through everything and never even thought about leaving when I was going through hell. Those two have been my rock for years and I hadn't realized how badly the three of us had drifted until now.

Not talking to Alex and Reggie is killing me because no matter how much we've fought, it's never been this bad.

I push myself off the wall before walking into the room, sighing softly when I see both Alex and Reggie sitting on separate couches watching something on the TV.

The two boys turn to look at me when I walk further into the room, making my presence known.

"Hey guys, um, can we maybe talk?" I take another step forward as Alex and Reggie look at each other. "Please?"

Alex reaches for the controller, pausing the TV, before gesturing slightly to come closer. I nod hastily, walking forward to sit on the table as Reggie swings his legs to face me more.

"I'm sorry that I've been such a bad friend to you guys. You two have only ever been there for me and I always seem to mess things up.

Over the last few months, I got caught up in the wrong things and I messed up a lot in the process.

The band means everything to all of us and I had to go ruin that for the both of you." I stop for a second, lifting up my head, looking up at the two boys, the tears in my eyes matching theirs.

"Reg, I- I said things to you to deliberately hurt you and I should have never said the things I did. You are a much better person than me and Tanna would have been better off if I wasn't selfish and let you be with her." I say turning to look directly at him, remembering the pain I saw in his eyes from all the things I had said to him.

"No Luke man, don-"

"No Reg, She-she probably would have been so much happier with you than I could have ever made her." My breathing becomes more ragged the more I speak and the tears continue to roll down my cheeks as I turn to Alex.

"I know you trusted me and I broke that even when I promised you I wouldn't. I let my insecurities hover over my head all the time so when I met Laura and saw the opportunity, it was an easier way out than having to worry about someone else I care about possibly leaving me after finding out who I am. I always find a way to screw everything up."

"Hey, don't say that." Alex says standing up from the couch before sitting next to me on the table. He wraps his arm around my shoulder as I rest my head on his shoulder

"Why do I always manage to mess things the up the only good things in my life. Why can't I do one thing right anymore? Anytime I meet someone that makes me feel happy I can't keep it going. I somehow always end up loosing them and I don't want to lose you guys or her too."

"Luke you haven't lost us." Reggie says, moving to sit next to me as well. "We'll always be here for you and you know that."

"I've treated you guys so badly. I'm really sorry, you don't even understand."

"We know you are Luke, we forgive you." My ears perk up and I lift my head turning to look at Reggie, seeing if he agrees with Alex.

"Yeah man, I miss you a lot. Can we please just all be okay and play as a band again?" I nod quickly, just as eager as Reggie is to start playing again. The three of us pull each other into a hug, making me smile widely.

"I-Um, I just wanted to ask you guys before I did anything. I know we were supposed to officially sign to Ivory records this weekend, but, I wanted to speak to Laura's mom about not signing anymore."

"But Luke- this is what you've always wanted. Sign to a big deal record label and then tour the world."

"Yeah that hasn't changed, but I took the wrong way to get there and hurt the people who are most important to me in the process. It's not worth it when we can easily get signed just through our passion and talent."

"Hey, I said that!" I can't help but chuckle at Reggie's excitement as I nod with a smile.

"Yeah Reg, you were right. I'm sorry for not listening to you guys in the first place."

"Okay, No more saying sorry." Alex says making us all laugh again "Do you want us to come with you?"

"You guys can if you want to, but I'll sort this out since I'm the one who messed it up."

"Just know you don't have to do it alone, okay?"

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Song credits: A thousand hearts ft saxi rose - state champs