Zeke and Pattie

Chapter Ten: Pattie

After Zeke left to go to the bathroom abruptly. I was left dumbfounded. What the hell did he mean I was leading him on? I know it wasn't for sex. Nor would that be my intention anyway. Maybe he thought I liked him. Maybe I wanted something more than just friendship. And he may have been willing to try it? To be honest there's a small chance of me seeing Zeke doing that. However, it's not the case. I'd never like Zeke that way. At least for the time being. Maybe way down the road. Or maybe I'm completely blind at the moment. There's a possibility that I currently do like him more than I'd realized.

Could it be possible he had feelings himself? I asked myself. I wouldn't believe that. He rejected my kiss. Zeke had good morals. He wished to only share those between someone in a committed relationship. Not just being a "friend with benefits" though I would never make Zeke feel used like that. Hell, I know that better than some. I was taken advantage of. I had no say.

I knew our kiss was out in the moment but, all the emotion that I felt off of Zeke, was more than an act. Maybe he did feel something for me. Or was imagining someone he was in love with? Like his ex possibly. To be fair, it wasn't my business to pry into Zeke's love life. Or any love affairs he may have. Like how it was no one's right to know about my abuse story.

He obviously didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I was just going to leave it alone for one day. I'll ask him if he has feelings another day. I've caused enough hassle for him. I looked to my left as I sat on his bed to see a brown, leather journal under his pillow. It was sticking out.

I had seen that journal before. Sometimes I'd pass Zeke at lunch, sitting alone with it. Writing away like a mad dog. If he saw any wandering eyes he'd shove it away in his bag. Zeke was skittish and protective over it. A little possessive even.

I didn't want to deprive Zeke's privacy, but I needed to know what he writes in that book. Why it was so crucial for him to have. I pulled the book out from behind. Hands shaking from feeling horrible as I continued snooping. I fiddled with the cover and quickly flipped it over to a random page.

I saw the date was jotted down. Written a while back, before Zeke and I became close. He just talked about school and his interactions with me. I flipped to another page. This time it revealed something that confirmed some suspicions I had about Zeke. Part of me deeply wished it wasn't true, but I am not blind. The evidence was right here.

It read:

January 12th, 20XX

Today was the same. Like no other. Being grasped by the cold hands by that bastard Charlie Love. Today he actually spared me a little. By not hitting me in the face. So I wouldn't have to straight-up lie to my parents, for the hundredth time?

By now I lost count. All of my cover-ups seem fool proof as my family was never once suspicious as to why I was covered head to toe in bruises and cuts as often as I am.

I laugh at how gullible they are. They honestly think this is from falling over a lot. I could keep this charade up forever and they wouldn't stop seeing blind to my lies. Always too focused on Ashley to notice me. As well as too busy making sure I don't fuck up. No matter how small a mistake may be.

I'd rather they put the effort form in my sister anyways. The Jensen offspring who isn't a failed attempt. Ashley is far from that. She is going to make it far. She'll make a good future for herself. Hopefully and more than likely without me a part of it. So she has zero chance of me screwing it up. Like how I ruined yours, buddy.

Got nothing left for you. You're probably fed up with my endless whining anyways.

Zeke,