the chronicles of a confused black girl

let's talk about being black in a predominately white school.

predominately white schools. also known as PWIs. a black girl's biggest nightmare.

"your hair is so soft! can i touch it?"
"you don't shower your hair everyday?"
"does saying the n word in a song make me racist?"
"calm down! why are you so loud and angry for?"
"sis! not you eating all of us up chile! period!"
"my parents don't like people, but don't worry, i'm not like them!"

yeah, those are real conversations i've experienced in my life. whenever i encounter those type of people, i feel like disintegrating into the nearest garbage can. why do WE have to face all of these uncomfortable moments? what did we do to deserve this? i know all of my black people at PWIs can heavily relate to having little to no black friends at school. i'm pretty sure throughout my entire life, i've only had 5-7 black friends. i never grew up with many people who looked like me, and that took a major toll on me. i couldn't embrace myself because nobody UNDERSTOOD me. i couldn't just talk freely about racism in front of white people because they will never know how we feel. i can't talk about the type of hair products i use for my curls. i couldn't bond over black culture with anyone. i still can't.

now don't get me wrong, PWIs has its benefits. for one, nobody can check you on anything because they aren't black! you can't just ask me why i use AAVE because... you aren't BLACK! stay in your own lane, simple as that! i've had my fair share of moments where i've dragged some uneducated white people (and i loved every minute of it) because they really thought they could school ME! please!

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now, i know most of y'all had your "i wish i was white phase". don't worry girl, i did too. being surrounded by little to no black people really tears you DOWN. you start to hate and beat yourself up. i remember hating my curls for the longest time because i always felt like i was an animal locked in a cage at the petting zoo. i would wear my hair down once in a million years, and when i did, it was the most uncomfortable i've ever been. it was just people petting my hair and giving attention to it at every corner i went to- to the point where i was so embarrassed and needed to tie it up in a bun.

but now, i honestly could care less! i'm not going to change my appearance just so i can avoid getting attention from the public. i'm going to embrace my curly hair and i always will. it took me years to come around, but i'm glad i finally accept and love my hair. to all my girls with curls- you are the STANDARD! i promise you, you will love your hair. it might take some time, but you will get there.

to all of my black girls in PWIs, hang in there! i'm in this with you. it's rough out here man!

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Q&A: do you go to a predominately white school (PWI) or a more diverse school? in between?

xo,
the local black girl