random thoughts ; series one

attention needed

a trio. a group with three people - or a pair and the left out.

have you ever felt that you're the "left-out" person? because i did.

i felt it so many times. but i never bothered to tell them. why? because i don't want them to think of me as the "negative" one.

i don't want them to think of me as the one who always says things like jealousy or something.

i've tried to forget every single thing that makes me the "left-out". actually those two words makes me feel sick. i feel like crying.

they're your bestfriends, but their presence is just there. they were never there with you mentally. they were just...there.

and it feels like the attention you need becomes more bigger. it means you needed more attention because they're the only people who you can lean on.

but they're like the others, just there.

i thought they would've noticed. i thought they would ask me if there's anything wrong or if there's something happening with me.

but they didn't. if i just say hello to them, they would probably think of it as a simple conversation between me and them.

yes, i'm very open. but i also wanted to be asked - "are you really okay?"

when i open up, i often just tell them and ask "can i rant?". pero i was never asked like in a sincere way if i was really okay.

yes, i liked giving attention to them because i care for them and i love them.

but i also needed that. why can't somebody give it to me like the way i give it to them?

i told myself that i should just shut up, because it will never happen.

a/n : this was a real experience - it's too long so wait for part two tomorrow. goodnight loves, much love x