Candour

Judith Basilmouth

"No one was injured in the assault, but the robbers managed to steal over two thousand dollars from this private owned grocery store located in the south side of our beautiful city."

Two thousand dollars?

The fuck did these numbers come from...

"We will now switch to Robert, who is accompanied by the store's manager, Judith Basilmouth-"

Judith Basilmouth is a fucking lunatic.

"-claims she suffered a minor heart attack after a robber stole her necklace; a family heirloom that was given to her following the unfortunate passing of her mother five years ago." The reporter says.

I guess Judith achieved her lifetime goal, being on the news as a sobbing helpless looking victim. I bet losing her necklace was worth all the attention.

"He put a gun to my temple and said he'd shoot me and all my workers if I didn't hand it over to him. I thought about the lives of  every single person in this store, and I gave away the thing most precious to me" Judith says in between half-sobs.

I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have given the necklace away even if the robbers had shot us all right in front of her. Only her life mattered in that situation.

"Poor lady" I hear Skai say behind me. "Imagine losing the only thing that's worth the world to you to a couple of nasty thugs."

The ruby necklace dangles off her neck as she bends over to put eggs in her freezer.

Yes Skai...

Imagine that shit.

"Why are you putting the eggs in the freezer?" I ask her.

"I read on some website that if you freeze eggs for a month, they turn into baby chicken rocks" She says. "I've been dying to try it.".

"You know the more I talk to you Skai, I'm pretty sure my brain will turn into a frozen chicken rock" I say with a facepalm.

The smile on her face disappears.

"You sure you can't stay today?" She asks. "I fucking miss you being here Sam."

"I know, but I promised Mafia that i'd see her later tonight. You know how she gets..." I reply.

"Yea..." she replies. "Just promise you'll come around more often, I know you're busy..."

I kiss her on the forehead. "Yea I promise."

Suddenly there's a knock on the door.

"You expecting someone Skai?"

"No, you're the only one who was coming over today" She says.

"You got a hundred? If it's one of those Girl Scout motherfuckers, I'm taking her whole stash."  And I swear you would too, those fucking cookies came straight from heaven and delivered straight to our door by the hands of holy virgin children. In other words, they are some blessed ass fucking shits.

I open the door to an empty ass hallway...

I love pranks. I like watching pranks, and I sure as hell have participated in a few in the past, but this was fucking annoying. Seeing Judith on tv just murders my brain cells, and whatever salty ass kid decided it'd be a good idea to play "ring and run" chose the wrong fucking door today.

***

Have you ever taken a walk and felt like someone was watching your every step?

No?

Well my walk to Mafia's house was a fucking livestream with six thousand viewers. Every second felt like some secret vigilante was going to jump out the shadows and kill me for jaywalking. And my constant looking at the top of every building wasn't doing me any favors. Luckily she lives in the apartment above her family's old butcher shop, so the last thing any stalker would see is me doing is buying a steak for dinner. 

I feel it as soon as I reach her door. Something's off...

No loud music?

No talking on the phone?

No scent of some weird ass pie recipe?

This feels dead...

The door slowly begins to creak open as soon as my knuckles touch it.