Midnight Flights

Chapter 2: How to (Sort of) Handle a Breakdown

"No. No. No. Stop. Please. Stop."

I tried to focus on breathing slowly and calmly, but it didn't really seem to be working. I was having a breakdown, what kind? I wasn't sure.

But they came often, always with bad timing. One would think I knew how to handle these types of things, that after having them for so long I would have some sort of control.

But I was completely helpless.

I tried to talk myself into calming down. I told myself happy things, which is weird but effective.

"Come on Kamryn... Come on.." I pleaded myself.

"Good god, let me give you my life.."

Take Me to Church came to an end in the background of all the sounds filling my head.

Music, that was it, music. A good song could fix anything. I put in the passcode for my phone, 5-5-6-8, and searched through my playlist for a good song.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Yes, definitely.

The calm, soothing sound of an orchestra played. I leaned my head back and pulled my knees in close.

I completely relaxed, but turned up the music all the way. I needed to get lost in the music for just the short 4 or 5 minutes.

Sleeping at Last- Saturn.

This song. Oh, this song. It was my saving grace.

I loved it. I listened to it all the time, especially in times like this.

I sat with my face buried in my arms and cried, but listened to the song.

And again.

And again.

It must have been close to dinner time by now, so I went over to my mirror and cleaned up my face.

Why did I have to look like him?

Why did I have to draw him?

Why did I have to remember him?

Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I just didn't. If I had no idea who he was.

But then I think of how many good memories I have of him.

I think of my window seat and how happy he made me.

I think of how I miss him.

Why did he have to leave me? How could he? I'm all alone.. So lonely.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Sorry this is so short!

Mikayla Dettman