Unscramble and Let go

Re-do

I recently took this quiz that I saw on TikTok , "Let me Psychoanalyze you but also nice" by @ zamboned .  I should have run really, But instead, I took it because ya know, curiosity. Anyway it completely tripped me out, and no not because of the results that I got, which mind you weren't wrong either. It was some of the questions namely the 6th question. " You can start over. you can do it all different. do you ?" the options were the standard yes or no and the other two were hesitant yes because there are things you wouldn't want to lose but need a new start and hesitant no somethings are too important compared to the bad. I don't know why the added explanations changed this for me but it did and I wholeheartedly chose hesitant yes since it explained exactly how it all felt. Up till now, I've always said yes and people around me always rolled their eyes and said "surrrreee" or said " but what about me we might've never met" and I've always just kinda thought yea you know what they're probably right it's a no. But reading this, all I could think is yes this is how it feels. 

I just want to be a different kind of person with the knowledge I know now. I don't wanna care so much if I have friends or not. I want to go back and give my all to everything I try and not be so worried about not being good enough. I want to care less about what my parents might think of the fact that I liked girls, actually, you know what care less about what my parents would think on everything and not listen when they made me feel like I need to lose weight to be pretty. I want to go back and not care about having a relationship so much . I want college me to have kept doing Colorguard. I want to not date the guy that kept pressuring me for sex and staying with him for fear of being alone. 

There's been some good in my life and some things and people I would miss. Ultimately tho I just want the opportunity of a fresh start a new me and doing it now at 23 there are too many expectations.