The Way Things Should Be...

Chapter 7: The New Jedi Order

Anakin sat holding Leia in his arms, her crying softly subsiding. He smiled to himself, his feelings bursting at the seams. Padme had gone to sleep, she was still weak and he didn't want to disturb her, especially with the stress of the new arrival. He looked up thinking about it seeing Obi-wan talking attentively to her. He couldn't help but feel... jealous. He chuckled dryly to himself, it was stupid he wasn't a child, but he couldn't help it. Obi-wan was his master, thinking back only one name stuck out, his time training. Ashoka. He sighed. Best not to dwell on the past, especially what he felt was a failure on his part. 

Obi-wan looked over at Anakin as he spoke, Anakin never attempted to hide his emotions, the force was screaming at Kenobi, telling him Anakin was feeling insecure. The physical toll of being responsible was exhausting Obi-wan. He sighed turning back to Y/N. 
"These dreams are not anything to fear, but I have seen them before, they only hold power over you if you let them" He looked down at her small frame, and smiled. 
She nodded, her nerves relaxing, he knew about the dreams how real they felt then she had been right, the burning ship was the answer to all her problems. 

Anakin looked up again, she was smiling, he didn't want to her as a threat but it was difficult when he couldn't afford any more mistakes, he couldn't risk it. The guilt would surely kill him and he couldn't risk hurting Padme or his children ever again. But if Obi-wan had the instinct that she was safe then he would trust his master and play nicely. 

Padme's head was spinning, the agony of pulling her stitches was burning through her. Childbirth was awful she thought to herself as the light began to filter through her eyelids as they pried themselves open. The cave was nearly silent except for the sound of Anakin mumbling to one of the babies. She made no attempt to sit up, not wanting to disturb the happy scene before her, the baby was giggling and their limbs stretching and waving frantically, Padme looked further across and found Luke asleep in his carrier. Looking back she couldn't help but notice how close Anakin and Leia were. She smiled chuckling to herself, alerting Anakin that she was awake, he was immediately at her side, Leia now scooped into one arm. His other reaching for Padme. 

"Are you okay? You've been out a while, nearly a whole day. We stopped the bleeding, but that doesn't mean you go on any wild adventures. Okay?"

Padme simply chuckled at the statement she looked up at Anakin, his face was playful but his eyes were full of concern, she settled back down, now in a seated position, "Of course Ani, I won't go on any wild adventures." As if on cue Luke had awoken and was now screaming. The couple simply chuckled, before Anakin reached over and pulled Luke out of his carrier, placing the baby in her arms, as if by magic Padmes presence calmed Luke instantly, he cuddled up to her babbling away. 

Padme looked up, noticing Obi-wan was not around, she noticed him up on the ledge leading to the mouth of the cave, talking to a young girl. Padme smiled before turning to Anakin to ask him about the new arrival but noticed the jealousy and rage plastered all over his face. This new arrival wasn't a good thing. 

"Who is she? And why do you look at her like she is going to pounce at any moment?" 

Padme pulled at Anakin's chin forcing him to look away from the ledge and into Padme's eyes.

"I don't trust her, and my priority is you and the babies, not some force sensitive child!" His eyes began to wander back up to the ledge. Padme chuckled, she loved Anakin's over-protectiveness but sometimes it was laughable. 

"Ani..." The nickname bringing his full attention back to her. 
"It will be nice to have another girl about, not to mention if Obi-wan trusts her enough to bring her here, then I should be safe enough. Ani, please don't do anything rash." The last part coming out more like a plea. The tone of her voice bringing back flashbacks of Mustafar, the anger swelling in his chest the anger and fear colliding, Anakin placed Leia in her carrier, his hands shaking he didn't trust himself, scared of what his bloodstained hands would do. Padme's voice could be heard calling for him, but Anakin couldn't hear them, not properly, like he was drowning and her voice was coming from above the waves. 

The next thing Anakin knew he could feel the sun's late-afternoon heat, it wasn't harsh and cast off an orange tinge, bathing him in the light, he feared the dark, the dreams the guilt that would never go away. The early evening wind was gently brushing by. Anakin could only sink into the warm sand, tears choking him, he wanted to scream, but nothing could escape his closed throat, his sobs wracked his entire body. Palpatine's voice was calling him, he felt the dark side his vision blurring, he wanted it to stop, the tears were a constant stream by now, he wanted to protect her and the babies, but the power he had was the wrong power. He hurt her and now he has to pay for it, the thoughts rushed through his mind. He threw his hands in the sand the cold sand encompassing his knuckles, meeting his forceful blow. He went to scream again, his energy leaving his body, at first no sound came from him but the more he forced his hand down into the sand the more the scream began to ricochet through him, it was raw and painful and left Anakin completely exhausted. His eyes shut out the world as he began to ground himself back to the real world. He stayed there for what felt like hours before he felt the familiar reassurance of Obi-wan's hand on his shoulder. 

The pair didn't share a word between them, they didn't have to. Obi-wan felt the dark side in Anakin, he felt the fear and guilt. It broke Obi-wan's heart that he couldn't take this all away from his padawan. He began to guide Anakin back into the cave passing Y/N as he did so. 
"Be back here with all your belongings tomorrow, we start your training." Y/N began to protest that there was nothing to collect, but looking at Anakin she knew that she was probably the reason Anakin had rushed out the cave, as he did. She simply nodded, the cool air making the journey back down into the valley a lot easier. 

Padme heard him scream, it broke her heart, she had her Anakin back, but he will always be haunted by the guilt of what the dark side led him to do. Tears pricked at her eyes, threatening to spill, she saw Obi-wan walking to the ledge, she blinked away the tears. Anakin was slumped at his side, she had to remain strong until Anakin could face her again. 

That night Anakin refused to go anywhere near Padme or the children. His hands still shaking. He curled up in a ball in the corner of the cave. Obi-wan was the only one who could even approach him, and even Obi-wan couldn't get too close. The sight was enough to break anyone's heart. The evening turned to night and soon sleep began to come over them, yet Anakin stayed awake. He held his hand over the hilt of the lightsaber, willing himself to stay awake, willing himself to protect Padme. He would make it up to her. 

The night continued and Anakin kept himself at work, cleaning the cave up, organizing provisions, he fed the babies when they awoke, he never picked them up from the carrier, but he was close enough. He let the tears fall silently as he wondered what kind of father he is going to be to these kids. His own thoughts scaring him. He didn't think he could handle being a disappointing dad when he had already failed at being a husband.