Angst

2

I stand slowly, my body shaking uncontrollably.

I walk over to the sink and rest my hands on it,

lowering my head and sighing.

"I don't know who I am anymore.. what I've done.. why aren't I normal.."

I feel the warm tears slide against my cheeks dripping off my chin and landing on my hands.

I sqweeze my eyes tightly as more begin to form in my tired red eyes.

I rise my head and stare deeply into my reflection.

I think to myself

"That voice was right..I'm imperfect."

I wake up panicking and sweating. I feel my heartbeat. Its pounding so loudly I can hear it as if it was beating in front of my face.

"Goddamn nightmares."

I reach for the clock. "5:31 AM"

Sighing I lie my head down stairing at the ceiling.

"How about doing something productive today? I'm sick of watching you do nothing."

That voice in my head speaks startling me.

My Mind: Too Exhausted

My Body: Too Exhausted

Me: Continues to do nothing and rots in exhaustion .

A few minutes pass and suddenly I get an anxiety attack.

"You have to relieve yourself. Come on, no one cares about you so why should it matter right?"

The voice says in a manipulating gesture.

Razor blade: "Free me from this box and I'll free you from that voice"

I take out the blade.

Voice: "that's it you know what to do. And if you dont, I'll keep bugging you to fucking cut yourself you pathetic piece of shit."

I grip the blade tightly, clenching my teeth. I place it on the left wrist and slide it to the right.

Voice: "you think that's enough? Stupid fuck, keep going."

I lower the blade under the first incision I had done. (3 cuts)

Voice: "are you kidding me? Stupid bitch. Ha-ha-ha, no one cares about you. Quit hoping they do. Continue."

I start to cry through clenched teeth. Growing anger and disappointment.

I start verociously cutting my skin.

Crimson blood pouring out.

Tears falling on top of my violated wrist.

I feel weak and I lye down dropping the razor blaze on the floor.

Voice: "ha-ha, you are pathetic. You can go ahead and cry yourself to sleep now."