Good Things Fall Apart

Gloaming

Two days later, Victor has his second therapy session with Desiree. She seems genuinely pleased to see him, possibly because of the knowledge about his prior therapist.

After an exchange of basic pleasantries and small talk, Desiree jumps right into the meat of the session.

"If you'll remember, I gave you some homework," she says with a small smile. Victor's heart drops. He'd forgotten all about...what was the assignment again? "By the look on your face, I'm guessing it slipped your mind."

Victor grins and nods. "Jog my memory?

Desiree chuckles. "You were supposed to do some research on how other gay people approach their spirituality."

"Oh!" Victor says and sits up a bit. "I actually did do that, but it was sort of an accident."

"How do you mean?"

He clears his throat. "Well, I have a friend who's also gay," Victor says, proud of how normal those words feel around his teeth, "and he was telling me just yesterday about, um...I'm trying to remember how he worded it. Something about defining divinity for myself, I think."

"Hmm," Desiree hums, her eyebrows slightly raised. "Could you tell me more about that?"

"Yeah, sure." Victor readjusts in his chair, trying to find a comfortable position. Desiree's office is nice and cool, and the diffuser that releases puffs of aromatic air into the room threatens to put him to sleep. "Basically," he starts, trying to translate Gabe's words into his own, "he was saying that I should look for moments of clarity? Moments when I feel most in my body? And that those are good starting points to figuring out what divinity looks like for me, I guess."

Desiree nods. She looks impressed. "How old is this friend of yours?"

"He's—" Victor frowns. He doesn't actually know. "I mean, he's around my age. I don't know exactly."

With an amused look, she sits forward. "So you're not close, I take it?"

"We just met recently."

"But he shared this deeply intimate information with you?"

Victor scratches at his shoulder and nods, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "He's sort of a weird guy. Really friendly and everything. I don't get creepy vibes from him or anything like that," Victor says. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he puffs a short sigh through his nose, not used to being in situations where he can't immediately check the notification.

"Well, for what it's worth, I don't see any harm whatsoever in his advice. It sounds like a good way to connect with yourself and find out how your faith speaks to you."

"Really?" He's not sure why, but hearing an adult validate this way of thinking is a huge comfort.

Desiree nods and crosses her legs, resting her hands on her knee. "Sure. I think it might benefit you to do some more research, but like you said, it's a great starting point."

Victor nods as his phone vibrates again. He glances down at his pocket and licks his lips.

"Is there anything else going on right now? You seem a bit distracted."

"Sorry," he says with a nervous laugh. Truthfully, there is something that's been hanging off the edges of his mind, hooked into the crevices in his brain and pulling it downward. "Actually, there is something..."

Desiree says nothing, just gives him an encouraging nod.

Suddenly, it seems impossible to say, and Victor knows it's because there's not just one thing, there's five fucking things that have joined hands and circled around him, shouting perpetual jeers. So he chooses the most recent one, the wound that's still seeping scarlet.