Good Things Fall Apart

Kairosclerosis

When Victor is shaken awake his first instinct is to panic.

He sucks in a high-pitched breath and his arms jerk to cover his face, every vein shot through with adrenaline. Not recognizing his surroundings doesn't help the rush, but then he looks to the right and sees that it's Benji who's woken him, his faint outline carved out of the darkness.

"Sorry," Benji whispers, eyes wide with concern. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Everything rushes back: the beach, dancing on the porch, sleeping with Benji curled up against his back. It takes a moment but his body releases and Victor flops backward, bouncing off a pillow. "It's okay," he breathes.

"I thought you might want to watch the sunrise with me."

Victor picks up his head and squints in the direction of the windows. Sure enough, sherbet-pink light has begun a gradual crawl above the waterline. "Oh! Yeah, I'd love that," he says.

Even in the pre-dawn gloom, Benji looks like he might have stepped out of a dream. His hair is a disaster (which Victor can't help but find adorable) and a small touch of sunburn has settled in on his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his shoulders.

Victor clambers out of bed and takes Benji's outstretched hand. Together, they move to the porch attached to their room, standing barefoot and shirtless in the chilly morning. Victor can feel Benji's heartbeat in his fingers, steady, sure as the tide. When the orb of the sun pierces the horizon, Benji abandons Victor's hand and settles with an arm around his waist instead. Neither of them speak. Words would only sully the moment.

For fifteen minutes, the world is sublime, stretching out before the couple like a familiar road, one that leads home.

"Are you also cold?" Victor eventually asks, breaking the silence. As soon as the perfect illusion shatters, he can't ignore the small twisted feeling in his gut, the anxiety of having escaped only to face an inevitable return.

Benji laughs but nods, squeezing Victor together. "Freezing. Back inside?"

"I'll be there in a second."

With a kiss on Victor's bare shoulder, Benji turns and enters the room they'd shared. Victor leans up against the railing, unable to stop the blissful smile that splits his face. It's the same sky he'd seen the night before, painted different colors by the encroaching ascent of the sun, but the world feels somehow different.

After a few minutes Victor heads back inside, rubbing his hands up and down his arms to warm frigid skin. It's definitely not summer. Not just yet.

Benji is sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling on his phone. Victor plops down next to him. "So, what's the plan for today?"

With a shrug, Benji deposits his phone on the nightstand. "I didn't have anything specific in mind. There's an incredible breakfast place in town that I think we should hit up, and then after that... Another beach day? Ooh, mini golf!"

Victor laughs. "I haven't played mini golf since I was a kid."

"You still are a kid," Benji argues. He tilts his head downward and raises his eyebrows. "It's dinosaur themed," he says in a sing-song tone. "And the ones inside glow in the dark."

"Why the hell didn't you lead with that? I'm in."

Benji laughs and rises. "Perfect. The breakfast place opens in thirty minutes or so, so we can just chill until then."

"Awesome," Victor says. Benji traipses out of the room and Victor does not stare as he leaves (except for the fact that he absolutely does). Then he pulls from his bag a toothbrush and toothpaste and a hairbrush. In the bathroom he hums to himself idly as he goes about his morning routine, trying to ignore the small pit of anxiety that's copulating in his stomach. He's here with Benji now. Whatever comes later will come.