Making Windows Where There Were Once Walls

Worried Friends

"With the visiting nobles arriving today, I'll need you on your best behavior," Arthur blurted out as Merlin dressed him for the day. At the sudden disruption of the awkward silence that had surrounded the two of them for the past week, Merlin startled, visibly flinching even as he tried to hide it from Arthur.

"Yes, sire," he whispered in response. "If you don't need me for anything else, I'll be on my way, Your Highness," he went on, and left after Arthur waved his hand in an obvious dismissal.

A few years ago, Arthur would have been pleased to hear his manservant respond in such a way, but now it filled him with regret. No! He could not be "regretful." He was the King. He had trusted Merlin, let him get closer than anyone else, and he had thought Merlin felt the same.

But Merlin had lied to him for years, acting like a loyal manservant, (even if he was objectively abysmal at his job) when in fact he was a sorcerer. How could Arthur have been so stupid to think that he knew his manservant. Trusting other people is what got kings killed, and even though Arthur had thought Merlin was the exception to this rule, he had obviously been mistaken.

However, Arthur would try to understand eventually, he just was not sure how to put aside his hurt yet. In his anger he had lashed out at Merlin and had said some things he didn't really mean. That is why he had told Merlin not to speak of magic. He had been told his whole life that magic was evil and that was going to be hard to unlearn, even though he knew that Merlin could never truly be evil. Even now, Arthur felt extreme fondness towards Merlin, and silently acknowledged to himself how brave Merlin truly was. Not only had he lived in Camelot, a place where his life was constantly at risk, but he had followed Arthur into conflict after conflict without hesitation.

Arthur just couldn't deal with it yet. He needed to focus on finalizing the treaty with the noble family arriving today. He would talk to Merlin once they had left and he had time to read the books about magic he had asked Geoffrey to find for him.

Unfortunately, Merlin was not privy to Arthur's inner musings, and so he thought that Arthur would never accept magic, and therefore never accept him. Due to this, he felt more and more desolate every day.

Ever since they had returned from the disastrous hunting trip, Arthur had kept him busy constantly. If Merlin had thought that Arthur had been demanding before, it was nothing compared to now. Merlin suspected that the increased workload was Arthur's way of seeing him as little as possible. If that was his plan, it was working. Practically the only times the two of them interacted were at meal times. Speaking of meal times, with his new schedule Merlin barely had time to eat himself. He used to sneak food off of Arthur's plate, but he wouldn't dare do that now. He felt like he was walking on egg shells every time he was around Arthur; he didn't want to draw his ire anymore then he already had.

Between the increased chores, the lack of food Merlin was eating, and the mental energy of dealing with Arthur's coldness, Merlin was exhausted. Now that Lord Griffiths and his two sons were visiting for the next month, Merlin would have even more to do. As the King's personal manservant, he would be expected to also help serve the visiting nobles personally. If it was possible, Merlin felt physically weaker just thinking about it. As he walked briskly to the armory to polish Arthur's armor, he felt a hand grip his forearm from behind, and he jumped, whipping around to face whoever had grabbed him.

"Whoa Merlin, it's only me," Gwen said in a tone not dissimilar to the one she used to calm the horses when they had been spooked. "Are you okay," she went on, "you haven't seemed like yourself the past several days..." She smiled at Merlin, hopeful that he would want to talk. However, Merlin just sighed, "I'm just really tired right now don't worry about me. I'm sorry I can't stop to talk I really do need to shine all of Arthur's armor before training today or he'll be displeased."