Stumble - (Stardew Valley)

7 - Unfolding

[this chapter will contain explicit mention of eating disorders. from this chapter to chapter nine will all contain explicit mention of eating disorders. please read with caution and as always, the NEDA hotline will be provided at the end of each chapter. please stay safe loves <3]

I didn't expect to see Shane on my doorstep that Tuesday morning, but there he was. Roger pushed his way out of the house to greet Shane and I leaned against the doorframe.

     "Hey," he shuffled his feet sheepishly.

     "Hey," I repeated, "what's up? It's pretty early."

     "Oh man, uh, how do I say this?" Shane sighed. "I'm really sorry about what happened at the cliffs. That was embarrassing."

     "I'm just glad you're still here," I gave a weak smile. I hadn't been feeling well for a few days and last night left me drained. I wish I could have shown more emotion in that moment but I simply didn't have it in me.

     "Wow, it was that serious, huh? I can hardly remember," Shane pursed his lips. "I'm gonna keep my word, I'm gonna go see that therapist Harvey recommended. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me. And I want you to know that I'm going to take things a little more seriously from now on. I don't want to be a burden on anyone."

     "You're not a burden to me, you're my friend. Helping your friends is exactly what friends are for, I thought you'd learn this by now," I teased. It still pained me to call him a friend; I wanted to be more than that. Still, his comfort was more important than my desires and I had no idea how he felt about me. Whatever made him feel comfortable was what I was willing to do, within reason, of course.

     "Yeah, you keep saying that, but I can't help but feel like it's a bit one-sided. I'd like to help you, too, but you seem to have this whole life thing figured out," Shane huffed.

     "I really don't. I'll talk about it more on Saturday, alright? You have work and I don't wanna hold you up too long," I reminded him.

     "Right, see you on Saturday, then," he turned to walk away without another word.

"See you on Saturday," I murmured to myself. It's too bad you're so fat, maybe he'd like you if you were skinnier.

That damn voice in my head came back a few months ago before I moved to Pelican Town. I thought that it would go away once I moved and disappear like it never existed. I was wrong. All it did was tell me how gross I was and that I shouldn't eat. The worst part is that I listened.

     Maybe he'd like you more if you didn't eat until Saturday.

     "No, that's stupid," I shook my head. I couldn't believe that I was talking out loud to this fake voice, but here I was.

     Do it.

     "No."

     You're gonna feel guilty if you don't. You're gonna be so ugly that everyone leaves you if you don't.

     "For the last time, no," I picked up my watering can, struggling to silence my thoughts.

     One field snack per day. I'm not taking no for an answer, pig.

     I was tired of fighting. I was tired of feeling guilty for everything. I was tired of being so weak and sick and, well, tired. But I still listened.

"Fine."

I went on that way, having one field snack per day. I was miserable, my stomach ached, my arms were weak. I could barely get any work done on the farm for those few days. On Saturday, I decided to skip the field snack entirely. Walking through the tangle of plants around the edge of my farm was agonizing, but I knew taking the long path through town would be worse. The only thing that gave me motivation to keep maneuvering through the wilderness was my excitement to see Shane. I felt so stupid for having this little crush, but on the other hand, it gave me something to look forward to. Something to keep going for. At the end of my hike, I spotted a familiar short brunette opening the door to Marnie's Ranch. I crept around the corner and peered through a crack in the door. I didn't want to intrude.