Tailored Hats, Cats and White Rabbits Original

21// "Why Is A Raven Like A Writing Desk?"

**WARNING VERY LONG CHAPTER AHEAD**

21// “Why Is A Raven Like A Writing Desk?”

My breath began to slow down as Alisa continued to hold me.
“Safe, we are safe and that’s all that matters” she kept on saying in my ear. I was so cold, so cold. But I felt that if I could hold onto Alisa for as long as possible, I could heat up and the warmth that had been lost could return to me. Life could return to me. My eyelids were heavy as I leant my forehead against Alisa’s shoulder, her legs either side of me as we sat on my bed cradled in each other’s touch.
“Hatter?” her voice probed me awake from the verge of sleep, “Hatter are you sleeping?” my eyes opened and I leant up to whisper in her ear.
“No I’m right here Alice” I pulled away, my hands gently resting on her hips as she looked over my face, seeing if I was telling the truth.

“I’m hungry” I said, clearing my voice clear of tears, “come on lets go get some food” I take her hand and we walked out to the dining area which at this time of night is only occupied with the odd insomniac, Nymphomaniac and most of the other maniacs that the institute houses.

***

As the weeks drifted by consumed in routine that everyone, but Cherry, completely loathed questions began to fill my head and I didn’t have an answer for anything of them. When was I getting home? Was I ever going to get home? Should I tell Alisa that I read her history? Do I even want to go home? How was Mom going? Were Alisa and I a ‘thing’? What were we? Friends? More than friends? Friends with benefits? The questions haunted not only my dreams but every day as I went about with the routine.

I had been here two months and no one had made any indication that I was progressing. However I shouldn’t get too comfortable with the idea that I could be going home soon. After all Jaxon and James had been here for 18 months and Blondie a year, not to mention Alisa who had practically lived in mental institutes since she was 13. Was I just holding out false hope that I would get the chance to see outside these walls? Was I going to be here for years?

 Nurse Carrigan and Harper made no effort to patch up what had happened about the field trip and we never asked about going on another one again. Blondie had tried rallying our efforts but no one was up to facing something equally or more horrible than what we had all seen that day. Yet my mind still drifted to him. How had I forgotten? He was family and in a way I had betrayed him, forgotten his memory. After much consideration I had mustered the will to ask Carrigan if I could go and visit him. Of course she had absolutely no empathy for a teenager missing an old friend. She had no empathy for the fact that, because I was locked up in here, I had missed the anniversary.  

We were all sitting in the lounge. Blondie and I on the couch, Cherry cross-legged by a set of books that she was flicking through, Jaxon and James head to head in a board game and Alisa on top of the wooden stool in the corner. But none of us were doing anything. Supernatural was on mute, Cherry had remained on the same page of the same book for 10 minutes now, Jaxon was holding his piece mid move making no indication that he was about to do anything, even Alisa had ceased muttering to herself. It didn’t seem like a time to do anything. I let out another shaky sigh, we had been waiting for half an hour, how much longer could Carrigan possibly take to write up a report?

Today I was getting a progress report. It was going to tell me whether or not I was staying for another 3 months or leaving. I was surprised at how nervous everyone else was for me. At first Blondie had flicked the idea away, she never succumbed to human emotions and Alisa had just giggled and said not to fret. That was three days ago, but now that we were all seated and waiting, it was different. No one gave me any words of wisdom, they didn’t even look at me. It couldn’t be that bad having me another 3 months could it? Or was it for the fact that I might leave and never come back. Oh shit, what if I left and never came back?