don't stop reading just yet

coming upwards

you spend all day out with some other person yet, it's me who you return to each night to learn more about.

moving on...

hey love!
i know i left you to ponder my questions, so what's you're answer? it's okay if you don't have one, i know sometimes you like to return to my world instead of living in yours.
today has been hectic. since it's soon to be the holidays, so many more people are returning home to visit their families, and as it turns out: a lot of them enjoy a good book every other day. i've gotten three times as many visitors as normal and so many romance novels are being checked out. (thank god i stocked up on some, thanks to you) i guess the cold brings hopes of love.
it's gotten quite cold actually. so cold that elio is in a catxedo. if you don't know what that is, let me educate you

a catxedo is a cat tuxedo. yes. elio is wearing a tuxedo. he's quite a distinguished gentleman now. he's getting used to all the costumes again, i think he knows now that when the cold comes he has to wear them. his fur is way to short for the winter here in england.

i see you giggling again.
you seem much happier than the last time you visited me.
that brings me joy knowing that.

anyway, it's started to rain since i've been talking to you and it makes the sky look a dark greyish blue. it's so gorgeous.

i wish you were here to see it. the shimmer from the rain matches the shimmer in your eyes when you smile. it's one of my favorite things about you.

i've learned a lot about you since we first met.

how you sit any way you feel comfortable in a chair, or how you brush your hair back with your hand. and your hands, soft. sometimes i think i can feel them turning the pages. your touch is so warm and calming every time you do it.

sometimes i feel like we are the only people here.
haha, that was a joke i swear.

i woman came up and hugged me today. out of no where. it was odd. i asked her why and she just looked at me and said
"your eyes are so sad, even when you smile."

i don't think that. do you? and also, don't worry. i'm not attracted to her as i am to you. you've grown on me and your glowing smile has warmed my heart in a way it hasn't been warmed in so many years.

i know it's weird, but... could you hold the book up to your chest. hug it maybe? i'm wondering if i could feel it.
even if i can't it would light up my world knowing you did. and thank you.
thank you for the already hours you pour into reading my writing or my thoughts. all of it.
thank you.

well.
right now i'm sitting by the window. it stopped raining hard and now it is sprinkling. i still feel an sense of loneliness everyday. i know you come back everyday to check on me and how my life is going or if i had a good day.
no one has ever really stayed. it's funny, the only person who stayed is the only person who cant talk back.
but anyway.
i'm thinking about how if you were here next to me, on this windowsill watching the rain softly hit the sand on the near beach, what would i do.
i think i would just stare at you for hours. taking in every line, every curve, every little movement from the way you wiggle your toes to make sure they aren't to cold, or the way you smile so wide when you see the children playing outside. or even when you brush the tip of your nose every time it's cold, it's like you're making sure it's still there. yes, i have noticed all of the little things and many more. the way your hair still falls into your face after you brush it back, or the way you rub your forehead when you're frustrated. i know you think you've set the book down for a while but i still notice every little thing that makes you happy.

my world lights up every time i see the little smile spread across your face while your eyes move down every line.

i think i fall in love with your eyes even more every time you read another word of my story.
you turn my pages so quickly desperately wanting to read more and more, but each word you devour is one less word for me to say to you.
one less letter i write.
one less time i get to tell you how wonderful you are and how much you truely mean to me

my darling, i know it will hurt me and it will hurt you when this story is over, but don't worry too much, for the next time we meet i get to fall in love with you all over again.

i know, i never want to make anything sad but i think it is just my specialty to make someone sad. my dad calls it "the maddison effect" as if i'm like the damn butterfly effect or something.

i mean, he's not wrong but still... the maddison effect? really?

there it is. that sweet smile that i never tire of. it's so beautiful. so wonderful. so sweet.

sometimes i curse the writer for putting me in this situation but then i remember if they hadnt written this at all i would have never met you, or your shimmering eyes, now would i?
i'm grateful that i even got to see you just once, now you come back daily wanting to hear me talk about you.

it's crazy how one can fall so hard for another.

but the real question is, do we love each other equally?
because every time you close the book i wonder if it's forever.

well, that's it for today my love.

please, take care of yourself and get some rest,

au revoir mon amour,
maddi