Fuzzies And Thistles

The Breathing - 1/12/2021

I'm thinking.
Or at least trying to.
Sometimes my thoughts are too far away.
I've been running.
Or at least it feels that way.
For all I know I've been sleeping since the beginning.
I've been drowning.
But I'm not sure if in water or air.
All I know is my chest is stiff and I all I feel is the weight.

What did I want
what am I doing
where is it all going
Where are you leading me.
I do not have a say in what wisdom you provide when or what you say to who.
I do not have a say in when the smell of smoke will find me or when fear seizes my spine.
When death sneaks up behind me, only you can guide me when worry has taken my eyes.

Fear came back
Fear came back
It came back for me.
My father's eyes my mother's breath.
All I hear is the breathing.
The breathing.
She hurts.
It hurts.

You take who you want. Please give them rest. Please be their peace. Please be the one to love and guide and protect those I could not.

Show me where it ends.
Not when not how.
Show me why it's worth it all.
Tell me why these shadows are here. Tell me why the breathing the breathing the breathing woman with empty eyes and hallow mouth and shadowy thistle for hair has been here.
I fight I fight I fight it has my heels.

I want to live I want to live I want to be who I was made to be to be the start of something extraordinary, something with light something even if small could be something great.

I used to hear your voice.
I do I do I do
But yours isn't the only one now
The breathing
The breathing
The breathing
The man who I can't see, the woman with thistles for hair, the fog that chokes it chokes I'm choking I'm hearing the voices of fear of worry of meaning of sorrow of pride of death.
It's here. I hear it. It speaks a thousand voices. It screams a thousand pleas. It claws for my attention.
It's here. It's here. I won't close my eyes
I see it.

My head hurts.