If Sushant's Back?

One Side Love

(This part has some adult content that can be inappropriate for some people. Please proceed only if you are comfortable)

It's been 2 weeks since my birthday, everything has become so beautiful...

I and Sush hang out with each other the whole time... I've also come to know a lot of new facts about him and his family. He talked a lot about his mother. According to him, his mother was an angel. I saw a different type of excitement when talked about his mom. His eyes glowed to the max. He was just like a kid when it came to talking about his mum well love...

After that day, there was no such intimacy between us. He was back to being normal. just like how it was before my birthday. even Bollywood wasn't any more involved in contacting me. 

I never spoke in media about what happened with me on my birthday, not only to media but even with my friends or parents. Even in this lockdown when everybody is having their set of problems, I was rather enjoying my time with Sush. He taught me a lot about Astrophysics. Physics lessons had been so fun listening to. News about his death was also now submerging. I never asked though after the sudden attacks he had in the starting we met. Everything was sooooo beautiful..

I guess I had now started falling for him... Everything he said seemed so beautiful and interesting. I wish I could just touch him feel him.

I haven't seen Sush since morning, I dont know where has he disappeared. Mum and dad are also out of station. They had visit one of our relatives nearby and will be staying there for a week or two. I was laying on my bed looking out of the window... It was raining outside.

It was the first raing of the year and that fragrace of moist soil seemed heavenly. I was touching my skin and feeling every bit of it. I slid my tshirt up and felt my hands on the parts that were forbidden to show to the world. Closing my eyes i could see Sush. His shrud body and broad shoulders. I could see him coming towards me. Holding me by my waist. Pulling me towards him. He was kissing me, my neck...

My hands touched my neck feeling him.. Slowing my hands slid down to my pants. And closing my eyes i could see him inside me. Both of us sweating and swinging to the beat of our breath. His eyes upon me caressing my facial features.

The rain made it more romantic and erotic. I could feel him into me.. He was kissing my neck, biting my shoulders. Our hearts racing fast and movement more rigorous. Finally I was done.

It was the first time I touched myself and imagining Sush was the best part. I kept waiting and dwelling the rest of the day. He wasn't there. I called for him, but surprisingly he didn't show up.

I dozed off to sleep. I donno when I slept. I saw Sush sitting infront me on a chair. He was staring at me. I was still sleepy so couldn't make up what he was looking at.

'You were not there last night. Where were you? I called you so many times. I was missing you.' I said closing my eyes in a sleepy tone.

I waited for his reply. He didn't. That made me worry a bit. I opened my eyes completely and saw him. He seemed expressionless or rather little angry. I sat up and asked worrying
' what's wrong Sush? You seem a bit angry!' i exclaimed. He was looking into my eyes without a blink anger filled in his eyes.

He stood and walked towards me. He sat on the bed infront of me and stared in my eyes. I had no idea what was wrong so I did not know how to react. So I kept looking at him. Then he finally spoke.

'You like me?'
I was awestruck and didn't know what to say. I kept looking without replying anything.

'I visited last night when you were sitting near the window. It was inappropriate to talk to you as you were busy. I was about to leave but then I heard you calling my name. So tell me do you like me?' he asked.

I was pink with embarrassment. I couldn't make an eye contact with him anymore. My eyeline slide down to his chest. His muscular chest that peeped out of his t-shirt was distracting.

I decided to close my eyes.

'Tell me!' he said in a higher pitch.

I brought all my courage and decided to tell him how I felt about him.
Closing my eyes I proceeded.

'Umm... I like you sush. Its not just like its more than. I actually love you sush. Everytime you are with me my heart races and all that I want to do is just hold you in my arms and let you know how you make me go crazy. Its not because you werre an actor a star. I love you for who you are. I love that kid in you who's eyes sparkle talking about his mother. I love that physics genius in you who tell me random facts. Yes I love you sush. Just like a woman likes, loves a man. I love you that way. ' keeping my eyeline low i spoke all this with utter honesty. I don't know how would he react but there I was expressing all of me to him.

' But I don't see you that way. I like you but not in the way you do. ' he said in a much more calm voice.

But it was hard enough to shatter my heart in thousands of pieces. Tears were gushing out my my eyes but I couldn't say a word.

I just layed on my bed and said 'Its okay, am not asking you to love me back, I just expressed what I felt. Am still sleepy can you leave me alone for sometime. I want to sleep' I lied blantly closing my eyes to not give him any hint of my heart break. I expected questions from him but he disappeared.