If Sushant's Back?

Heart Speaks

He looked at me with startled eyes and that was the moment I fell in love with him again. His eyes are so expressive anybosy on earth could fall in love with.
'How can you be so sure?' he asked me dragging me out of my thoughts.

'Because you are so different than how you' re been showcased in media. I cannot believe that you can kill your self. No no no I can't. ' I didn' t realise I was aggressive. He hold me by my arms and looked at me trying to calm me down. I think a tear or two rolled down my cheeks. I sat down in devastation. 'Can you give me some alone time, I want to think and calm down myself' I said unable to make an eye contact with him.

'Okay, but you know right am always there for you... Just call me out' and then he vanish in smoke. I tried to contemplate on things. Why was I getting so aggressive. But I knew I've started feeling some strange connection and bond with him. And this was wrong I shouldn't be feeling for him.

I tried avoiding him to try controling my feelings. I wasn't using much of social media neither was I calling him. It was a week now that I saw him last.

That day After ablong time I was surfing Internet and then Instagram. I saw a number of posts having Sushanth in it. I kept scrolling down then an adorable picture of Him and his former girl friend Ankita appeared on the screen. His smile was taking away every ounce of energy I gathered to keeo him away from me. Closing my eyes I tried scrolling it down. Then I heard his voice 'Stop naa. I want to have a look at it' he said, sitting beside me. I was super scared and jumped off my bed 'What are you doing here?' I said calming my self down from that little heart attack.
'Hey am sorry, I didn' t want to scare you off. You didn't call me after that day so I thought visiting you by myself. I was feeling lonely. Are you okay? ' he said. His face showcased genuine concern.

' Yeah am fine. I was just a bit busy' I said still not being able to make an eye contact.

'Tum sach me bahut kharab bahane banati ho(you are a pro in making lame excuses)' he said chuckling.

'Am not making any excuses.' i said affirmatively and sat back on my bed, looking at my mobile to avoid an eye contact. He touched my shoulder and said. 'Can you olease show me that pic, of me and Ankita'.

That line broke my heart into pieces. The innocent, vulnerable look on his face, that sad and helplessness pierced into my heart. My heart was pounding so hard for two reasons, I was jealous that he asked me to show a picture of an other girl and the second he loved her so much that even after death he wants to see her.

I googled their picture and showed it to him. He kept looking at it. Without a blink of an eye. 'You still love her right?' I asked him trying to hide all the vicious thoughts running through my mind.

'Uhm... I actually don' t know. But truly she was and will be in a special place always. They say right Marte dum tak pyaar karungi, (i'll love till the last breath of my life) may be I realised it after my death. ' he said still looking at the picture.

' If you loved her so much, why did you guys get separate? ' I asked
' See the industry is a jungle, you are afraid but you are carried away with the beauty. When I was in T.V I actually had everything. But the thirst to grow to get more, ended up bringing me where I am now. Everything seems beautiful and complete when you are in that world. I too felt the same. I never stoped loving Ankita, it was just that... Trying to maintain myself to the bollywood standards, I had to let her go. There were way too many differences among us. It was the best way to end things before it got too ugly' he said.

'Then how was you relationship with Rhea? I mean I didn' t even know you guys were dating until your death. Were you serious about her? And this depression thing, did Rhea had something to do with it? ' I asked.

He shrugged and started' Rhea... I didn't even know what her intentions were... At first she seemed to be very sweet and cute. I thought I've found someone who could replace Ankita. But much sooner I got to know what she really wanted from me. I'll not lie, but seriously I have very less idea of what happened all the 6 7 months I was with her, my memory is very blurry for that period. I used to be very silent and lost interest in almost everything, she didn't let me talk to my dad, call up my friends. I mean she was very commanding and wanted me to alwats hover around her. I tried to end things but, she wouldn't let me do that. Everytime I asked her to leave, she'd talk to me convince me. I dont know how she did that. ' he said.

' So you mean you were depressed due to her?' I asked.

' Yeah I guess so! 'he replied.

' We've been always talking about me, so tell me somethibg about you' he asked trying to make the mood light.

'About me? Am very boring person, always on my mobile, apparently helping a celebrity soul to find the culprit for his death... And ummm.... Yeah thats it' I said with a cheerful voice.
'Everything is fine, but you aren' t boring at all. Don't forget your dealing with a celebrity ghost' he said with a big smile and a wink.