The Girl Who Wanted Everything

Magic

I walked back to the house slowly. A wind had come up and it whipped my hair viciously about my face and neck. My empty coffee mug was batted against my thigh. I couldn't shake the image of Adam looking at me with such intensity. Adam, usually so full of jokes and lightness, so emotionally balanced and in-control, seemed lost.  

"If I chose to be selfish for once in my life", he had said, "I am not at all certain that the things I want are mine for the taking". My stomach clawed and twisted at his words. Something fierce hungry was struggling to get out. I didn't know what it was that Adam wanted, but I could feel the depth of his desire. There was so much passion, so much longing. It was like a spark to kindling in my own yearnings, and suddenly there was a flame.

Whereas my attraction to Sam was distant, fanciful, and innocent, I knew that my feelings for Adam were something much, much more. There was nothing unreal about the way in which he and I connected. It was immediate and electric but equally serene and comforting. It was cerebral and emotional and carnal all rolled into one. It was magic.   

I breathed in the fresh ocean air and it was as if my lungs were open for the first time in weeks. And then I remembered that Adam, my Adam, was Jamie's boyfriend.

The mood was solemn when the others returned from the beach later. Giselle had taken the car and gone off again, and the rest of us wanted so little to converse with one another that we chose to eat our lunches off our laps wherever suited us best. Jamie, Adam, Sam and I sat in the living-room, reading or listening to music through earphones.   

Adam had found a finger spinner somewhere, and he flicked it moodily over and over, never once removing his eyes from the object. I sat as far away from him as I could manage, finding any sort of proximity unbearable. Jamie picked at her food with disinterest and Sam fiddled with his camera and paged listlessly through an old comic book, but his mind wasn't on it. He was flipping back as many pages as he was flipping forwards.

It was about two o'clock when Giselle arrived back home. I could tell from her energy and expression that everything was not simply normal. Her lips were pursed in a line of firm resolution and she had but to look at Sam and nod for him to rise quickly to his feet.

"Yes,'' she said to him, "It's happened. You need to come now.'' Sam looked wide-eyed with alarm.

"You aren't even going to give me a choice on this?" he retorted. Giselle shook her head, the briefest of motions. Her usual gentle demeanor could, I realised, turn steely in moments.

As if the whole scene playing out in front of me was not peculiar enough, Sam now turned to Jamie.

"Come with me,'' he pleaded her. Jamie didn't hesitate. She shot an appealing look at Giselle, who gave a relenting gesture, and then she was off the sofa and out the door without so much as a backward glance.

I stared after them. Huh? What just happened here? Adam, I suddenly realised, didn't look surprised in the least.

"What the hell is going on, Adam?" I asked.

"It's really not my story to tell,'' Adam replied, looking a bit awkward, "but it's Sam's dad. Giselle has been trying to find him. She never wanted to have him involved in Sam's life, but she is having such financial problems that she doesn't feel like she has any choice but to approach him for help.''    

My mouth hung open. Sam's father? For seventeen years everyone had acted as if Sam's father didn't exist. "The thing is", Adam went on. "Sam's dad didn't know about him. I mean, he didn't know Giselle was ever pregnant. Obviously he was going to want to meet Sam if Giselle found him and broke this news.''

"And Sam doesn't want to meet him?" I asked. Sam had seemed more than reluctant to go along with this plan. "Isn't he even curious?"

"Sam's dad is married, or at least he was when Giselle had Sam. I guess that was a douchey enough thing for him to have done to convince Giselle she didn't want him involved in their lives. It's enough to convince Sam he doesn't want to meet the guy. I guess he is angry – angry with his father, angry with Giselle. And he is stuck in the middle, like some kind of pawn.''

The whole story was unbelievable. To think all this had been going on right in front of me, and I knew nothing about it. Even Adam knew the whole thing! Wait? HOW did Adam know the whole thing?

"How come?" I asked him, "How come everyone knows all about this, even you?"

"What do you think they are talking about out there on the waves every day?" he smiled rather sadly. "Jamie is an open book, you know? She tells me everything. Sam really needed someone to talk to. That is the reason I was more than happy for them to be alone out there all the time. Well...", he paused significantly, "it was one of the reasons." He looked ashamed of himself and gave his finger-spinner a harsh flick.

This whole thing was so bizarre. Sam was going through some of the most intense moments of his life, and I was completely unaware. 

I thought back two weeks to when I was sure Sam and I would be sharing our secrets. How wrong I had been about everything. And yet it was ok. Ok for me, anyway. Sam, beautiful, kind, gentle Sam was just that - nothing more, nothing less. I hoped we would be friends in the future. I hoped he would tell me his stories one day, but maybe over a cup of coffee, rather than across an unmade bed.  

My own dreams held something very different now.

I wandered down the passage to my room, passing Sam and Giselle's room on the way. Through the doorway I could see Sam's laptop screen. His art profile was open, the image he had been working on there for anyone to see. Jamie, transformed into a laughing mermaid, combed her golden locks amidst among a hundred treasure boxes. I snorted and shook my head. Why was I not surprised?

The house was extremely quiet without Jamie there. We were all expectant, waiting to hear the news from the others, but by bedtime they still had not returned.

Some time during the night I woke. The full moon was illuminating the room, and outside on the driveway I could hear muffled speech. I sat up in bed and peeked through the blind. On the driveway I could make out the darkened figures of Jamie and Sam. They were folded in a deep embrace.