All I've Ever Wanted

Part 7

When we were 17 James Mastan stopped me from killing myself. My life had been so bad at home and I could never tell you.

My pain was mine alone to bare, not yours, although that didn't excuse the pain, I had brought you through all those years. The pain I should have protected you from... not cause. 

I was standing on the edge of a bridge staring down at the rushing water when he walked by. He recognized me from school, we had done a few projects together and although his reputation had been bad he wasn't. 

He stood next to me and said "if you jump, I jump.. and I don't know about you man but I got some people who'd really miss me back home"

And I couldn't go through with it. Taking my life was one thing but taking his life too? That wasn't fair to him or his family. He talked me down.. it turned out his life was actually quite similar to mine. It also turned out that he was not so willing to let me give up on my life. It was like he always knew when to show up, when I seconds away from giving up.

So we started hanging out more, while you and I became more distant. The only time we spent together was when I would sneak into your room.

I knew I had to let you go but I didn't want to.

Not yet.

You were the brightest star to my darkest night. You were the only constant in my life, the only thing that made me feel anything and I was too selfish to let you go.

I was so numb until I crawled through your window and all of a sudden I could feel everything. 

You were my lifeline, but I was your anchor.

I held you down and let you drown while they tore you apart and then I sneak in while I thought you were sleeping to whisper sorry's that meant nothing.

And I knew I had become toxic for you.

So I distanced myself even more until I became a stranger to you.

****************
Just a quick update while I procrastinate studying 😅, hope you enjoy xx

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow xx