All I've Ever Wanted

Part 6

Slowly over time the guilt and horror of being like my father took over and I wished more than anything that I could hold you and just tell you everything, but I couldn't. 

Things at home had taken a turn for the worst. My father had turned to drinking whilst my mother took every chance she could to be anywhere but home. And I became lonely. I missed being able to talk to Missy about things I couldn't talk to you about.

And I wished more than anything that I did not exist. That I had been somebody else so that I could at least be yours even if only for a day. 

So I started sleeping around, I had a new girl... a new body to use every week. Simply because I could not bare the thought of being with anyone but you and having you.. although being everything I dreamed of could not happen.

Because you were pure and so beautiful that I knew I would ruin you. 

Just like I didn't everything else in my life.

So I shut down and stopped speaking to you.

I would hold you at night and cry because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop myself from breaking you. I couldn't stop myself from breaking me either. 

So I stopped.

I stopped speaking to you in school, I stopped giving you lifts, and for the most part... I stopped holding you at night... and it killed me.
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It sounds like I keep making excuses for my shitty scheduling of releasing chapters after promising to upload more frequently but a lot has happened since I last uploaded... my dad was in hospital for a while and there was a period where we weren't sure he was going to make it and I've been trying to deal with that. So whilst I'm apologising for another really late upload 😅 I'm also asking you to be patient with me, I'm doing my best. I also want to thank you for coming this far with me despite how short the chapters are and the amount of time between uploads. I'm grateful for every like and comment and for every person who has been giving my books a shot x
- Brigette