"I'm going to talk to Lindsey."
The girls nod as Stevie jumps into the car without them, holding Sulamith on her lap and stroking her nervously. She had no idea what he was planning to do now, and that scared her a little. Maybe it isn't fair, but she is furious with him. How on earth could he be so stupid? Did he want to get caught? Fortunately, the hotel was close and she didn't have too much time to work herself up any more before she got to his room.
She knocks hesitantly on his door, waiting for him to answer. He swings it open and pulls her into his arms. "You had a key."
"Still do," she says, instantly pulling away from him. "I just wasn't sure how upset you were and didn't want to surprise you."
There's an open suitcase on his bed. He's packing. "I'm going back to Los Angeles."
"Does she know yet?"
He shakes his head. "I don't think so. But I figure I should tell her before she finds out." She wants to scream at him right now, and he senses her irritation. "Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not fucking okay, Lindsey! This whole thing was stupid. We aren't subtle. We aren't secret keepers. You aren't a cheater. And we didn't even make it two weeks before everything blew up. TWO WEEKS!"
"Stevie..."
"No. No, it's my turn. This is not 1978. The internet can ruin us, Lindsey. Why would you kiss me like that in public? Are you that fucking stupid?"
"Maybe I wanted to get caught."
"Oh, no. Don't do this."
"Do what? Admit that I want to be with you? Come on. We knew that this could never really be a casual fling. There's too much there."
"Shut up. You ruined everything!"
"I didn't ruin anything except my marriage. And I think I'm okay with that. You should be, too."
"Lindsey, you're going to go back to Los Angeles and you're going to beg her to keep you. Do whatever you have to do, but you have to fix this."
"No, I'm not."
"God damn it, Lindsey..."
"What are you so afraid of?"
"We can't work. We never have. What we've got is good. We ruin things."
"We ruin them no matter what we have," Lindsey points out, stuffing a pair of boots into the suitcase.
"Why would you give up your life when you know we're going to fuck everything up?"
"Because I'd rather spend a few more years in love with you and have something to fight for than wait out my remaining years, knowing what I've missed. I don't want to watch you be alone anymore."
"Don't be an idiot," she says, choking on her own tears.
"There's nothing idiotic about it."
"Are you serious?"
"You're the one I want."
"No. This is over. We're done."
"You don't mean that."
"The hell I don't. Go home and fix it," she says, storming out of the room.
He throws the last of his stuff in a bag before he escapes the band, the crew, and the media and heads across the country alone on a private plane.
Stevie rushes back to her hotel, unsuccessfully trying to fight back her tears. Completely humiliated, she doesn't even know how to face anyone yet. It was bad enough that the girls knew. She couldn't stand the thought of everyone else finding out. The band was going to be insufferable. Maybe it was dumb to tell Lindsey off. She was going to need an ally.
She opens her suite to find Sharon and Lori on the couch in her suite, a bottle of wine open. She sets Sulamith on the floor gently and drops her purse on the table. "We figured you might need some company tonight," says Sharon.
"He's gone."
"Are you alright?"
"Where's Karen?"
"She went to bed. She and Liz have a long day ahead of them tomorrow. There's not much anyone can do about it tonight," Lori says gently, still trying to assess Stevie's mental state.
"He left. I mean, he'll be back. But he's on his way to Los Angeles."
"Right," says Lori, waiting. "Does Kristen know yet?"
"He doesn't think so." It's way too quiet, but no one really knows what to say, and Stevie isn't offering anything up yet. She takes a glass from Sharon and sits down in the chair across from them, staring out the window.
"Talk to us. What's going on?" Sharon finally decides to push a little.
"There's not much to tell."
"Well, you can start by telling us what's going on between the two of you."
"Nothing now. He got upset by my Rolling Stone interview and we fought, but he was really more upset by the part about me deciding that I'm going to be alone forever. So we decided that we could at least make each other happy some of the time."
"Seriously? I know you're miserable, but he's miserable too?" Lori was never one to sugar coat anything.
"I'm not miserable."
"Stevie, you're obsessed with being in love. It's what you live for. And you haven't been with anyone in so long... you aren't wired to be alone. And he's the only one that can handle you," says Sharon, crossing her legs and leaning back on the couch.
"And apparently even he can't. Not anymore. I sent him back to L.A. to fix things with his family."
"You what?!"
"We fuck everything up. He needs to stay with her. Us going to the next level is just a disaster waiting to happen."
"You do, but this isn't what you want."
"Of course it isn't! But I stopped believing in a happy ending ages ago. It's just not going to happen for me. And that's okay."
"Stop it. You always get what you want. It may be slightly fucked up, but you've got a chance at that now."
"No, I don't," she says, unable to hold back tears anymore. Sharon crosses the room and kneels at her feet, leaning on her legs, trying to comfort her. Neither one of them says anything. Stevie used to fall apart like this all the time. In recent years though, she'd been much more reserved. It had been a long time since she'd let them see her this broken.
"You love him. I don't understand, honey."
"You can't," she says, standing up and retreating to her bedroom. They wait patiently for her to take of her makeup and compose herself, and she reemerges with her hair in a bun wearing yoga pants and a sweater that drowns her tiny frame. She sits on the floor, pulling Sulamith into her lap, still not looking at her friends. "This isn't how I wanted this to go."
"What did you think was going to happen when you started sleeping with him?"
"I wasn't thinking. I just didn't want to be by myself, and he wanted me so much. It felt really good to have someone still want me that much."
"Especially him."
"Especially him," she agrees, absently repeating Lori's words.
"I think you're wrong to push him away now. He loves you."
"Of course he does. We'll always love each other. But that doesn't mean we should be together."
"It's okay to admit that you still want him, you know."
"No it isn't. I don't want to talk about this anymore," she says, shaking her head, signaling the end of the conversation. Sharon disappears into her room, and Lori hangs back for a minute.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Please?"
"Come on, let's get some sleep," she says, putting her arm around Stevie. She curls up in the bed beside her, playing with her hair until she falls asleep. Stevie is terrible at being alone. What would it take for her to get over herself and let Lindsey stay with her?
