She was too afraid to find out what Lindsey was doing. All she had thought about for the past twenty-four hours was getting him alone, and now the thought terrified her. It had been a long time since she'd been with anyone. She had sworn Lindsey off a thousand times. Somehow she always ended up back here.
She had changed into her black nightie after the girls left, but was too distracted to take off her make up just yet. She pulls out her camera and started looking through her photos, mindlessly scrolling through them, trying to keep her mind occupied. Don't do anything stupid, she tells herself. Over and over again.
A knock at the door startles her slightly and she opens it without thinking, assuming one of the girls had left something. She's greeted by Lindsey, still in his jacket and black button-down, the five o'clock shadow coming in, his hair slightly disheveled. She stares for a minute before he pushes past her, trying to gauge his mood. He's not here to talk.
He stands in front of her, so close they're touching. He brushes her blonde wave back behind her shoulders, exposing the skin of her neck and chest. "You are beautiful."
She looks up at him nervously, not sure how to respond. The silence hangs there heavily, and he knows she's waiting for him to do something. He cups her face with his hand and holds her cheek, leaning down to kiss her. She moans a little, surprised how quickly she can feel herself responding to him.
"I can't go through with this."
"What?" He pulls away, breathless. "What's wrong?"
"I thought I could do this. I thought I would be okay. But now you're here and it's just too much."
"Jesus Christ, Stevie!" He steps away and turns his back, running his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "You've been torturing me for nothing."
"Torturing you? Do you have any idea what this has been like for me? Being your whore isn't exactly what I had in mind, you know."
"Don't say that."
"What do you want me to say? That I'm so desperate and lonely I'll take whatever I can get?"
"That's not what I..."
"God, Lindsey. Why are we still doing this to each other?"
"Because you still want me as much as I want you. Because you are still every bit as sexy as you were thirty years ago. Because you fucking know that we're never getting away from each other and you don't want to."
"I want to."
"No, you don't."
"You realize that we broke up forty years ago, Lindsey?"
"You know we didn't actually break up until 1998. You said it yourself."
"Why won't you let me go?" Tears fill her eyes, her voice pleading now.
"Because I can't!"
"Why not?!" Voices were raised now, but she didn't care. Maybe the wine and frustration and tension were enough to make him talk to her.
"I need you."
"Then why did you get married to someone else?!"
"Because you left me, okay?"
"I what?"
"When William came, you gave up. You sent me away."
"You were a dad! I wasn't going to get in the way of that."
"I need you," he insists. Rehashing that conversation was not the goal tonight. They'd already had that fight.
"No. You don't." She pulls away and he turns around, pounding his fist on the table.
"Yes, I do!" He spins around, his eyes flashing with anger. "I kept waiting for you to come back. For twenty years you came back. Then you stopped."
"I already told you why," she says, totally exasperated. "We have to stop talking. This won't go anywhere."
"I didn't come here to talk. You started that." Silence hangs for a second, and he senses a shift in her. She's calmer, watching him, her eyes focused on him.
"I didn't come back then... but I'm here now."
"And you taunt me, then won't let me touch you."
She steps toward him, standing on her toes, slipping her arms around his neck and letting him press her against him. "I still want you."
"Not as much as I want you."
"Show me."
"You're sure now?"
She nods slides his jacket off his shoulders and starts to unbutton his shirt, knowing exactly what she's doing to him. He lets her get as far as his belt before he pushes her robe off her shoulders and descends on her mouth. His approach is not gentle or slow, and she quickly responds to him, realizing that she needs this every bit as much as he does.
