Hate War

Chapter 49

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Will I be happy after marrying him?

I keep looking at his sleeping face. I suddenly remember what the nurse said to me about him. He had taken the whole hospital on his head so the doctor could attend to me first. It made my cheeks blush remembering when the nurse called him my husband. It hit differently inside me. I peered more at his sleeping tired face. 

I know he is so tired after taking care of me. He is sleeping peacefully like a baby. Well, he is a big baby and I still can't believe how he was able to take care of me in my unconscious state. His behavior makes me very confused. Every time I feel like things are becoming clear in front of my fogged eyes and I'm getting a better idea of what is happening to me but then he behaves differently and changes every assumption every perception I made about him. 

At this point, I don't even know what to do with him. 

He has mastered bewilderment and he knows how to use it on me. I don't know which side of him is true. The side where he says he hates me and I'm the ugliest girl in his life or the side when he doesn't want to let me go as if I'm the only thing that keeps him sane. It's so hard to understand what goes in his mind. Sometimes he is so rude to me by showing the hate he has for me. He doesn't let a single chance show me that I don't matter to him. All he wants is to marry me because he wants the whole company's possession. 

And at the same time, he behaves as if I only matter to him most in his world. And that stuff he does show me that he is the only one for me does something to my heart. I'm at the stage where I can't even deny the feeling I feel for him when he comes near me to consume me in his arms. His small actions are pushing me to my downfall. His all possessive kisses when I'm busy working to distract me or the way he plays with my long hair while I'm talking on serious topics with him about some business projects or the way he looks at me when I'm cooking for him in the kitchen. 

It makes my heart beat fast. 

Even though I thought it was wrong of me to feel that way, I still felt those small gestures making strong walls break around me. They were slowly turning from thick brick walls to wax walls which just needed one more strike and I will putty in his hands to mold him in any way he desires. This thought makes me want to hide in his embrace so I feel protected but at the same time, I feel I'm putting myself in the most vulnerable situation. It feels like he is my sanctum and the cause of my destruction at the same time. And this feeling makes me so afraid. 

Till now I have lived my life thinking he was supposed to marry Amelia but after he showed me those papers it was so hard for me to process them. How can the truth I have been living with all my life change in just a split of seconds? How should I accept something which changed my life one-eighty degrees? I felt like I was in a big delusion and my bubble of the fallacy was busted most harshly. My body was not able to take that shock and I fainted. I'm still not able to believe that I was supposed to marry him from the start. 

How can mom decide something like that when I was still in her womb? Why didn't she wait for us to grow up? 

Maybe because she sensed she won't be able to live after giving birth to me. She knew from stating that she won't be able to make it still she carried me. Dad told me her body was weak and that she couldn't bear the pain of giving birth but still, she sustained the pain till my first cry was heard by her. Dad told me she immediately asked the Doctor to hand me to her. She wanted to see me first. And the first thing she did to me after taking in her arms was to kiss my forehead. As soon as she took me in her arms happy tears slipped from her tired eyes. She looked at dad and told him I was the most beautiful baby she had seen and her last words were