It's Not All Roses | Editing

Prologue

16 years ago

Leah:
I couldn't. No i wouldn't. My little angel was my everything. I have nothing anymore. Nothing without my baby. Why didn't they get that. She was all I had.

I kissed my babies forehead, as my tear dripped onto her cheek. A knot tied in the back of my throat. There was a nagging pain in my chest all of a sudden. I felt as though I couldn't breathe. Great! Just what I needed a panic attack.

I placed Rosa down in cot, my hands trembling in front of me. Weeping, I crouched on the floor and pulled out a bottle of pills and water from a black handbag. Swallowing one, I slid my handbag against the wall.

Collapsing into my hands, I sobbed my heart out. The empty apartment was filled with the sound of my crying. Not even a mouse dared to move.

When I looked up, my reflection stated back at me in the mirror. My grey eyes were red and sore. My once beautiful honey brown hair was greasy and tied up in a very messy bun sitting on top of my head. My thin lips had gone pale and cracked, whilst a few spots lay on my chin. When had my beauty faded. I used to be beautiful and young. But now I wasn't even twenty-six yet and my beauty was already fading. I didn't even recognise myself anymore.

Suddenly, I heard a a notification go off on my phone. As I read the message my boyfriend sent me, my heart sank.

Sorry Leah, we hit a little trouble, you're gonna have to go on your own. Tell Rosa I love her. XOXO

The plan was already failing. But no matter what, I would have to go, with or without Ethan. Once I got up, I lifted Rosa out of her cot and hugged her close to my chest. She had a few tuffs of hair sticking on her head with her big blue eyes. She was only a small baby and weighed around eight pounds.

I kissed her tiny forehead again before I placed her in my baby carrier. Rapidly, I packed a small bag full of: two jars of baby food, ten nappies, five bottles of milk and a couple of baby grows. The I grabbed my keys and headed for the way out.

Hesitating, I froze. Was this really my only choice? Did I really have to give up my baby? Isn't there another way?

I remembered the day I found out I was pregnant. The joy and excitement I felt with my boyfriend. The anticipation we felt when we were at the doctors office. How we prepared for a beautiful baby girl.

But then I remembered the dread and panic we felt when her safety was threatened. I remembered when those people decided that her fate wasn't ours to choose. Where her future looked as though it was going to be death or torture. But most of all I remembered how I vowed I would do anything in my power to save her. Even if it came at a price.

Changing my mind, I turned back towards my room. I sat on the bed, deciding on what I was going to do. My pros were that I could always come back for Rosa and it would keep her safe. However, my coms were that I could die and not come back for her and that it seems way too horrible a task.

As if on cue my phone bleeped with another notification. Once again Ethan had sent me a message, this time making me smile.

Honey, remember that no matter what we are all right behind you. I understand that you don't want to give up Rosa but this is for her own good. And as soon as this all blows over, we can come back. But even then if we don't make it through, she will be taken care of by her loving family.

I knew he was right. Even though I wished he hadn't been. So there was nothing left to do other than go. After all it was for my baby.

"I love you Rosa," I whispered to her as tears started to form again. But I wasn't going to cry. Not until after the task was done.