🖤Dark Society🖤 (YiZhan*ZhanYi) (Completed)

Dirtiness

i enter my home carefully, to not cause any sound but light suddenly turns on and i see mom sitting on the sofa, waiting for me. i fake faint smile and try to walk properly so she can't notice anything

"usually you aren't this late, did something happen?" she asks with worrying tone and i tighten the fist to stop myself from crying. no matter how old we're, how strong and independent, still when someone or something hurts us, parents and especially mom's warm lap always stays the safest place we can find relief, mommy i wanna share my pain, i wanna scream, sob but...

"no, everything is ok, i spent some time with my friends. i'm going to take shower now, you can sleep"

"you look pale and exhausted, please take a good rest son" she pets my shoulder and walks in bedroom, i drag myself to bathroom and quickly remove clothes, throwing everything in trash can, touched by his dirty hands, wearing his scent, i don't want anything connected to him, but... what about my body? can i throw it away too? standing in front of the mirror i watch myself and can see nothing more but dirtiness, my nipples're still stiff and swollen, whole neck, chest and thighs are full of  hickies, red by all rough rubbing, ruin... i'm ruined, still feeling his skin in my nails i internally scream and hit mirror with my fist, not minding the blood i turn on the shower and scrubb my body like possessed until it starts to ache, but i know it won't change anything, memories... It still remains. 

falling down i hug my knees and realize what makes me the most crazy. being raped it always destroys your body and psyche but there is something more... when this act gives you the pleasure ... it makes you hate not only rapist but yourself too. you feel like someone lewd and abnormal. 

every sound of my moans, every hungry touch left on his body by me, the mocking, dirty calls from those rich bastards while leaving that mansion, everything i can feel and hear clearly like before. They knew, everyone knew, it was trap for me and fell in, became just thing for their entertainment but... My lips forms sudden grin and i stand up feeling dizzy, water is already off and i can't even realize how long was sitting here. Enduring sharp pain i lie down on the bed and think... Think... think, no i won't forget but remember everything very well, in details, i'll make sure this hate to not lessen and one day he gonna realize, i'm not someone he can just use like this, regret, Wang Yibo is going to regret playing with me. Tiredness wins over me and soon fall asleep, if i knew that from now on, not only my life but maybe i'm going to change too, if i just forget and keep living the same, but the decisions taken hot minded... Brings troubles, always

*****

"Zhan come here, listen to this candidate. I really love his thinking and election promises" mom tells me after i leave my room and trying to pay attention on her words i look at TV and feel like throwing up. The familiar, widely smiling face, looking too innocent and cute, if i didn't know... Unable to hold it i ran to bathroom and empty my stomach.

"What is wrong with you? Need the medicine?"

"Maybe i got food indigestion, just please turn it off"

"Why? It's interesting. He is talking about homo problems"

"Mom"

"Why so upset? Don't you work at his company? Congressman Wang is truly decent politician, if he wins, that disgusting faggots are going to be banned, like they deserve, without any right to show us their dirty acts and faces"

"He says so?" I hysterically laugh remembering the gay couples wrapped around each-other like snakes in his own home and she looks at me with widen eyes "what a joke, fighting for pure society? This man? Father of..." I stop and shake my head "mom, you don't know anything, just yesterday i was the same, maybe it's time to finally learn, how to distinguish fake from real..."