Reunions

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I wake up with unbearable headache and burning face. Little bedside table full of medicines and wetness on my feet makes me guess I'm wearing vinegar socks. Only this fact itself makes me sure our meeting wasn't just my illusion,  this was always dad's best way, treating me when I was having high fever. I look around and realize this is absolutely unfamiliar room for me, plus that I'm dressed in someone's pajamas too which suits me perfectly. Not minding aching body I get up and leave bedroom, he is standing there cooking something with apron around his slim waist and I feel like crying remembering my usual morning habit, hopping on his back and peeking in the pot. Dad would always hug my waist to protect me from falling down and let me to taste it from his palm. everything, absolutely everything was perfect made by him.

"You're up" his shaking voice startles me and he lowers head to hide his red eyes "you...you fainted yesterday and I took you at my house. Feel like...no what belongs to me, everything is yours too. are you feeling better now? what about fever?"

"Were you waiting for mom's death to come back? Did I ask you? Are you happy now? are you satisfied now?" Without willing I keep telling hateful words, just trying to throw my anger and pain to someone and he gets teary again, I fall down on the chair and cover my face "why did you have to return now? When I need you the most? I can't even push you back, because I gonna die alone, I gonna kill myself if stay alone"

"What are you saying?" He knees in front of me and pets my hair "what happened to you, what kind of pain did you went through to talk like that? You're...such a carefree, happy kid when I left"

"you know nothing, you and mom couldn't see such a heavy burden I was carrying. I want to leave, I'm leaving" I get up and walk towards the door but too strong weakness makes me stumble and he quickly catches me, taking me to the sofa.  I don't want him to know, what kind of monster I have become "I'm not going to bother you, your family supposedly will be back soon, I won't put you in awkward situation"

"You're and always will be most precious gift and not burden for me and...I live alone, I lived alone for all those years" he lowly says last words and I selfishly feel satisfied, cause the thought he may had another child, he was giving fatherly love to someone else was going to break my heart  "you've grown up so much, just a few seconds ago I was going to put you on my lap Zhanzhan like before. Only now when I have you next to me again, I felt wholly how long time we lost, how many precious moments I skipped. My whole life is just full of regrets"

"When why, why did you leave us. If you're next to me maybe..." This deep sadness in his eyes makes me to stop and slowly move my hands to his face, wiping his tears. Dad is getting already old, I want to wipe this wrinkles away too. He faintly smiles and pets my shoulder

"It's such a long story Zhanzhan but I really thought, you're going to live better life without me, guess I was very wrong. That pure, sparkling stars in your eyes...is gone"

"I have changed dad, I'm not that pure kid anymore. I'm...just full of dirtiness" he holds my hands and I move stare to TV, which's volume is turned off. Dad yelps as I suddenly dig my nails in his skin and I feel my whole body shaking

"Zhan what is wrong? Son are you ok?" He keeps asking but I can only see Yibo, which is taken out from Wang mansion, with cuffed hands. what had he done, how I didn't realize what he was planning to do?

"I have...I have to go dad. I can't let this happen, he should't pay for that...I was the one who did it. Not him, not my Yibo" I grab his collar and repeat the same but can't find the strength in me to get up, my hands falls down and I find myself starving for the air, dad's face becomes pale and tells me something but I can't hear anymore, because suddenly I fall in total darkness.

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