Rosalind: Book One

56- Love

Last night played in Rosalind's mind as she slumbered. She had found it hard keeping her hands from wandering when all she wanted to do was ravish Caspian. When he grabbed her hips and moved her along his groin she buried her face in his shoulder and told him one day he would be hers.

The last heartbeat of night had found the couple laying on the floor, lost in fading caresses as sleep came over them. When Rosalind closed her eyes, Caspian kept watch until he too fell asleep.

A sad existence of light wriggled into the room and tried to wake the pair. The first light of dawn found Rosalind asleep in the lord's embrace. Two bodies wrapped in wolves' skins. The embers had long since died, a faint chill lingered in every corner. She dreamed and in her dream, she replayed her night with Caspian. Their kisses were a melody, one that drowned out any other sound in the manor. Neither Agnes' washing of pots and pans nor the lone howl of nocturnal creatures could shatter the song of the demon leading the fair lady into hell.

Caspian stirred. His hand touched Rosalind's cheek as he watched her softly breathing. Then before she could wake, the lord touched his lips to hers and slipped out of the room without as much as a farewell.

The morning was a memory now. Rosalind clasped her glove-clad hands in front of her mouth, shivering in the cold.

Agnes stood next to her holding two of Rosalind's bags. As she had collected the young woman from her father a month ago, today she was returning her to him. The maid watched Rosalind standing in a foot of snow, the hem of her gown covered in flakes of white. Agnes wanted to yell at her and tell her that what she had done the other night was unholy but when she saw a tear trickle down Rosalind's pale cheek she felt a pang of guilt.

"I should have watched out for you better," Agnes said.

Rosalind faced her, hastily wiping the tear away. "How were you to know what would happen, good maid? Perhaps in the future, you should chain your guests in the stable with the horses so they do not find any sort of goodness that may be hiding in the manor."

"That is not what I meant, my lady," the maid softly replied. "It is just –"

"The woods are so quiet," Rosalind interrupted.

"Just because the woods are silent doesn't mean the monster is gone," Agnes said.

"I do not expect you to understand." Rosalind turned away from the maid in annoyance.

Flakes fell before Agnes' eyes. "Understand the fact that you love them both?" Seeing Rosalind cover her face in her hands, Agnes added, "I will be far from discrete in asking my lady but how? The young lord I can understand, all he is is gentleness. But Lord Caspian...he," the handmaid paused, she could find no logic in anyone caring for the beast. Even when Calla had loved him, Agnes could not comprehend it. "My lady, it makes no sense for you to be in love with someone like him."

Rosalind turned sharply to Agnes, her tone was made of thistles. When she spoke it was not a soft lilt a lady should use. "What you say about Troy is true. He is a sweet soul and he should not have been caught up in either this wretched curse or this twisted sort of love I carry. Caspian has shown the world no mercy. But perhaps it is the world that has damned him, forced him to live this way. What he has shown to me is what the world will never understand. I do love him, good maid. I love Caspian as a woman loves a man, brutally and wholly. My heart is in shatters," Rosalind's voice cracked, "And I do not know how I will live without him...without either of them."

Agnes' lashes touched as she sighed deeply. She understood love but not the sort Rosalind was trying to explain. "Perhaps," she began in a hush, "the heart wants what it wants."

Rosalind nodded slowly. She felt as if she had fallen by the bullet of a gun and now lay motionless on the ground. But she was still there, at the edge of the Borgo Forest, waiting to be taken away. A horrid ache slithered inside her and curled up in the pit of her stomach. Taking the bags from Agnes she leaned in and kissed the maid on the cheek. "Leave me. I wish to wait for my father alone."

"Godspeed, dear lady." Giving a small curtsy, Agnes turned and headed back through the woods. The snow fell heavier. She touched her cheek and felt the burn of tears welling in her eyes. But the maid hurried on, leaving the young woman to wait alone.

The faint light trying to break through the mist was giving up, shifting the faint sun into a grayish hue that reminding Rosalind of twilight even though the day was still young. Agnes' footprints had faded nearly half an hour ago. Harlan was to come before noon yet Rosalind could no longer tell what time of day it was.

In the veil of low-hanging branches, a figure stood in wait. His auburn hair was covered in flakes of snow, making it shimmer. Troy parted the branches and walked toward Rosalind making her turn at the sound of his footsteps.

"Troy!" Rosalind had not expected to see him before she left. In the moments before she had dressed and Agnes had come to fetch her, she had looked towards the young lord's bedroom wondering if it were wise or simply foolish to go to him and bid him farewell after having spent the night with his father.

Troy rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Warmth came and pushed the cold from Rosalind away.

"I did not know..." Rosalind's words trailed off as Troy released her. I did not know if I should see you again after what I did. Guilt clawed at her like a feral cat.

Troy caught sight of the butterfly pin sparkling and raised his hand to it. "My father?"

Rosalind looked down shamefully and nodded.

"I knew he..." Troy paused to pick his words carefully. Reminders of his father yelling at him that Rosalind was his flooded his brain. "I knew he cared for you."

Rosalind lifted her gaze and nodded. "Yes," she whispered.

Giving her a sad smile, Troy spoke, "He gave you a gift yet I have nothing for you to remind you of me once you are gone."

Rosalind cried, "How can I forget you?" Then in all honest added, "You are my happy thought, a fairy tale prince who does not deserve any of this."

Troy ran his finger over the pin remembering the butterfly ring his mother had always worn. "You once said your heart would remain in the manor, will it?"

When Rosalind cast a look towards the large home, Troy knew. "My heart is no longer in my body," she said. "It stays in the manor with –"

"My father?" Troy asked, his voice barely audible.

Rosalind filled her lungs with icy air and felt the cold pierce them. "Troy, I have entered your lives only to destroy them. I do love your father, but my heart is also yours."

The young lord stepped back and placed a hand against a tree, letting her words invade him. "You want us both?"

Shame filled Rosalind. Though she knew she loved Caspian in a reckless way, there was another sort of love she had for Troy. You cannot want both father and son, her mind screamed. "Yes," she replied. She knew she could never admit it to Caspian but she could at least tell Troy. "You both offer me something I will never find in any other. I am ashamed of this, but I cannot push either of you away. I have tried."

Crestfallen, Troy stood silent. If Rosalind shared Caspian's love, it just put both Troy and her in even greater danger. "Never tell him." He composed himself and returned to stand close to her. "Never, Rosalind. It is not my skin I worry about, it is that he may end up hurting you." Troy took her hands. "Swear to all that is Holy you will not tell my father your feelings for me. Put them away in some secret place inside you, I beg of you."

Slowly, Rosalind nodded. "Why are you so good?" she asked sadly.

Troy touched her cheek. "Because it is how men should be." As the sound of a horse nearing sounded, Troy quickly added. "I fear you want him more but if I am to only have the breadcrumbs, so be it. I will be here for you. Now and until the end of time." He leaned to her and touched his forehead to hers. "What I feel for you is eternal." Then before Rosalind could reply, he ran into the embrace of the woods and vanished from sight.